from here in a magical theatre of a township whose inhabitants were Heroes, Demons,
mythical superhuman figures, Dragon-slayers, Demons, Goddesses, Celestial
warriors, giants, Angels, Bodhisattvas, dwarfs, crusaders, Elves, Saints,
sorcerers, Infernal spirits, Goblins, Knights, Emperors, Werewolves, the Lotus Lord of Dance,
Vampires, the Wise Old Man, the Divine Child, the One, the Trickster, the shape-shifter,
the tamer of monsters, the Mother of Gods (sadly no Mother of Dragons), the
wanderer and many others, there lived amongst them in total seclusion, a really
Witch, in her prime, was so evil that she had tamed the Devil as her disciple.
But long gone were those days and now she was getting older and her bubbling
cauldrons and her magic spells had long lost its charm and her broomstick lay
in a corner gathering dust. She was webby and lonely and too weak to hop on her
broom stick for a joy ride. For most of the time, she sat by her cold stone
fireplace cursing the humans that walked the earth and beyond. She desired
company. Someone to talk to. Someone with whom she could share the secrets of
her witchcraft and her woeful anecdotes.
And then one fine day, she came across Maria.
Maria was born at the exact time when the sun
was eclipsed by the moon. Her timely birth bestowed on her the lunar powers of
bewitching people by metamorphosing into whatever people desired to see. For
someone she was a cute kitty-cat...for the others she was a mean bitch in the
When Maria, knocked at her door, The Witch, who
was busy as usual dreaming about her meal, couldn’t believe her aging eyes. She
was too flabbergasted stupefied boggled-over for a moment. For the first time
in her life she realised that miracles do actually happen without anyone ever uttering
abracadabra. Maria, a lost soul had wandered just a bit too far and tired and
starving had stumbled upon the Witch’s Home. (How she got lost in the first
place, nobody knows, and I sure wouldn’t know anything about this and I most definitely
cannot confirm how she was drugged, wrapped in a garbage bag and dumped in the dumpster
which empties the city trash outside its limits. No idea. This I can say to you
with first rate certainty.)
Maria wasn’t expecting this.
Maria cried in pain but the Witch was in
sing-song mood, busy chopping vegetables and tossing them in the pot as outside
it rained. As the oil began to boil, Maria spoke, “If you let me go soon, I will
give you the Moon.” The Witch, who was never hitched, was stunned for a moment.
She dropped her knife and grabbed Maria by her hair. “How do you dare, girl?”.
“The Moon! It would be yours
forever. Let me go or never.”
“And how do you propose, this lie of yours to
“I need a boat, yes a boat. A boat that rocks
to and fro and is neither too high nor too low. I speak the language of the
Moon and can bewitch it to my tunes. I will let it to you, if only this eat-me
you won’t do.
“Ah!” The witch said as her heart she itched.
“Now you speak like me bitch!”
Having thus explained, the witch thought for a
moment. A ball of cheese. A giant ball of cheese. Beneath the dusty setting lay
a golden ball of cheese aged to perfection. The witch dropped her knife and
rubbed her hands in anticipated glee.
“I will get the boat”, the witch said.
Maria Maria rowed the boat till she reached the
middle of the lake. It was chilly and the clouds cast eerie shadows as they
covered the Moon in the night sky. The Witch was by now too impatient and she
couldn’t wait any longer. She had decided to eat Maria once she gets her hand
on the Moon. But this was taking way too much time than foreseen. The Witch
demanded Maria to get the Moon in quick time or else she will be relished in
equally quick time.
Maria was sweating praying hoping that she gets
away. And then, by a miracle of the
extraordinary, the clouds parted and there appeared the Moon in the sky in its
full bewitching glory.
“Voila!” Maria gaped, totally enamoured by its
“Now!” said the Witch, “It’s high time.”
Maria extended her hands and brought them
together over her head, closed her eyes and mumbled some mumbo jumbo and then
she straightened her right hand towards the water and had her index finger
extended pointing indicating to the reflection of the moon in the lake.
The Witch’s eyes grew saucer-wide like two full
moons on her own face and she wasted no time as she leapt like a frog with
wings into the heart of the Moon and landed with a loud splash in the cold calm
quiet of the night.
Maria waited for a few seconds. It seemed like
an eternity. Timed by the bubbling gurgling of the air bubbles sprouting out
from the lake. She was half hoping for the Witch to spring up and catch her by
the neck. But soon she came to her senses and picked up the oar and she rowed
the boat as fast as she could. “Die Hexe”, she muttered, and never looked back.
Imagine my surprise when Maria knocked at my door. Why! the whisky
glass in my hand was not for celebration but a proper case of gloomy despair
for her absence!
We never heard from the Witch again. The lake
turned black as the night and nobody dared venture toward it to investigate. I
meanwhile, sipped my soup with anxious anticipation under the watchful eyes of Maria
Maria. Read also: Death's Angel
It happened many years back when he was around 5 or 6 years old. ‘Senior KG, Division B’, he says. It was a hazy morning and he was getting ready to go to School. He loved School. It was fun and he could meet all his friends. His real friends that is! It was the time when he could just be himself.
He had curly hair then, which his father would try to straighten out by pinching his cheeks in a fish-mouth shape and then try hard to straighten it out using the family comb. I say the ‘family comb’ because everybody used it...his mother, father and his grandparents too. But not his sister. She always had her own things, which was good in a way. It avoided a much dreadful sibling fight.
Coming back to the story (I have a bad habit of drifting away quite akin to roving around in dreams), he held his Mom’s hand and was led out of the house. School was a five-minute walk from where he stayed. It was the journey along which made it feel like an hour. Not of the boring sort but in the most amusing way. A child’s mind is free of all malice. It is as pure as the white drifting clouds which forms sundry shapes as it pleases. Curious to the extent to kill a cat nine times...and imaginative enough to know the secrets of the Universe. So, thus every morning, he walked hand in hand with his mother and experienced the joy of the outdoors. Something which only he knew. Out of the house and he hopped on the stairs...Monday Tuesday Wednesday Thursday Friday Saturday but no Sunday as Sunday was a holiday and then onto the sea-road from the footpath-land he leaped and swam across the road to enter the tunnel of darkness where he said his greetings to Lucifer the dog with the wagging-tail and onto fresh sunlight again by the side of the main road wherein people crowded him and it was difficult to breathe so he sank deeper into the water and breathed from his gills. Then he passed the muchad panwallah who was a good man since he always gave him free candy (but made a mark in his Dad’s account) and then the snip-snap of the Gentleman Saloon whose owner was a lady in a burkha and by the Apna Bazaar medical shop which said was 24 hours open but closed at night and by the Preetam Photo Shop with the magical paintings which gleamed three different portraits from three different angles and all the while as he held his mother’s hand and tried to keep pace, there were people growing taller and taller and cars zip-zap-zooming by. Different colours and merging into black and white and oddly vaporising in grey mist. Got the drift, people?!
Finally, he approached the famous Parel flyover (and this is where this story gets this stimulating title!), and felt the urge to pee. He naturally couldn’t tell this to his mother for he was instructed to pee always before stepping out of the house and there were some things that these all-knowing grown-ups did not understand and one of them was that the bladder does not work on time-table. School was still many steps away and with the morning prayers and the daily moral story of the principal, he was sure to wet his pants by then. So he closed his eyes and let his penis grow like the magic beanstalk. Away it grew itself and in time it was as large as the Parel flyover itself. The Bombay motorists who always keep looking at creating their own new roads started driving over it to get to the other side. Ambassadors and school-buses and five six seven people on Bajaj scooters wheeled their way over the Penis Flyover which ended at the public sauchalay where our hero was busy reliving himself.
Thus my friends, he was lightened off his misery. There are other versions of this story wherein supposedly he helped extinguish a raging fire on the other end of the flyover with his golden spray but that frankly is pure exaggeration. Its like adding some extra mirch masala to this story. But what I have revealed here to you is true because I was there on first-person witness basis.
Dear ladies, please note that there is no need to be much excited as his pee-pee doesn’t grow in size in the need of the hour now. He was a kid then, naive and thus free from the sordid flux of this dastardly world.
Tired and weary, I arrive at the city of Bombay to seek answers to
the Ultimate Truth; having proved my worth after my quiet contemplation in
Vizag and my battle with my prevailing demons at the golden beach of Madras.
Having covered the distances by foot on my earlier travails, better sense prevailed
and I took the train here to be awestruck by the grand splendour of the
Victoria Terminus Station. I followed the smell of the sea and walked all the
way to the Queen’s Necklace - as it’s been called - to be welcomed by open
hands by the Majestic Arabian Sea.
I have been waiting for a long long time.
The sea has always spewed up splendiferous gifts for me and I know I
should expect the unexpected here. I feel gratitude and feel blest having
shared a single soul with the ever-encompassing ever-forgiving sea. And before
I seek the blessings of my fortitude, I ask for forgiveness. For all the bad I
have done. I have killed massacred slaughtered (... and have loved it!). This
journey of life has been undertaken not without a purpose of sanctimony.
I climb up the tallest palm tree; the few lining up amidst the
towering structures around the bend and wait. Patience I have enough, having
carried myself through till now. I am wrapped in a silk lungi and the salty
breeze gently tickles my hairy ballocks. I pick out baby coconuts and try to
snack on them. However my teeth are not too strong mainly due to a lack of proper
dental hygiene since a long time. I drop the coconuts on below unsuspecting passer-bys’
but it does little to awake them from the dreggy monotony they surround
themselves in. Tired, hungry and begrimed, I await a little more.
Far far away where the earth blends with the sky, the sun reaches
out to kiss the sea and creates a sempiternal moment of surrealistic beauty. Meanwhile,
the white-collars carry on without a conscious glance and filled with ignorance
at the glorious sight that waits for all to see. If we could only open our mind
and not only our eyes then we will have a better idea of where we actually are
going. But they scatter away like ripples in pond and none have a notion of
their true destination nor care about the journey. There are a few others though, lost in the
mirth of their own worlds. The couples line up under black umbrellas even
though there is no rain and whisper sweet nothings. The street urchins
interrupt them from time to time with the allure of the purchase of a fresh cut
red rose. “For your lady – love” they say. Elsewhere, someone has a handful of
fireflies placed in a box lantern while it rises high amongst the night clouds
beaconing the anchored vessels in the horizon. The usual suspects selling chana jor garam and bhel add to the cacophony of the
I can wait no more.
I quickly slide down and run across the road without worrying about
the speeding motorists who zip zap zoom around me. I climb the ledge and get
down on the infamous tetrapods. I take out the silken purple pouch that I have been
secretly and safely carrying with me all this while. It is a product of years
of perseverance and I hope to offer the same to the Goddess of the seven oceans
across the world. It contains my navel lint that I have so carefully plucked
out each morning without fail. I hope with this offering my mission would be
over and done with. I stretch out my arms reaching to touch the horizon and
pour the contents into the sea. A light breeze wafts through and sings the
songs of the evening to me. The vespertine flowers acknowledge my sacrifice. The
sun plays hide and seek with the clouds as it plans to settle down for the
night. The waves dance in the colours of the twilight zone. Blue Yellow Orange
I wait some more.
And then she appears. The waves carry her out to me. She carries the
radiance of a thousand suns and the calmness of a million moons. I would have
never imagined life to be so beautiful if I had not gathered myself to embark on
this adventurous journey. She holds out her hand to me with a sly smile on her
face. My heart melts inside. She sits next to me while we hold hands still. She
does not say a word. She does not need to. We converse the length of this
universe as our souls are aligned in perfect symmetry. This moment is perfect,
more than it. As the metempsychosis occurs I understand the journey of life
which is a never ending stream of the awesomeness of being. I gain
enlightenment. There is peace in the air I breathe.
I know I have to bid farewell at some time. The moment will last not
forever even though that is what I wish for. Everything will end and it brings
a slight tremor to my melting heart. She knows and all she does is smile assuringly
letting me know that the end is not the cause of worry. It is only a beginning
of another journey.
Time flies, seasons change, years pass by and then she suddenly
stands up to leave. Her hand slips away from mine. There are no good byes, no
last words. The moment has encompassed itself.
Theauraofequanimity Ofthesunandthemoon. Themarvellouswindcarvings Onthemalleablesanddunes. Thecoloursoftherainbow Blendedassparklinglight. Theseducingdrizzlingrain On a chilledlonesomenight. Thefloweryfieldssurrounded Byhoweringyellow-blackbees. Theinfinitefrothysecrets Ofthedeepblueseas. Theassuringluminosity Of a brightcandleflame. Twoeffervescingsouls Universallyunitedassame. Nosizzleinlifethereis Witheachwithouttheother.
Like it was destined to be,
We are made for each other.
I willkeeplovingyou Like I lovednoone.
Come over so that I can give you a hug. I'll let you sprawl over my couch and laze around for eternity. I'll let you tickle me between my toes and I'll even let you paint my nails your favourite shade of pink. From now on, I won't pretend not to understand what you are saying and will be intent on listening and re-listening to whatever you got to say. Why, but I will even laugh genuinely at all your jokes...all the stupid ones too! I'll take you out for long walks in the sunshine and in the rain and I won't yell 'She's not with me!' when people are around. I won't yell even if no one's around. I'll hold your hand even if it gets sweaty and yes, I'll roll around in the muck with you since you love it so much. I wont even mind when you eat my plants and I'll sit with you and watch all your silly shows...yes, even Courage-the cowardly dog on Cartoon Network. I won't put salt in your dessert, not even accidentally-on-purpose. I won't boo you when you enter my room and I won't try and trip you while walking with you. I won't even push you down the stairs...even though I'll have to try real hard not to do it! I definitely won't morph your pics with four-legged animals and post it all over the internet. I will not lock you in the bathroom and switch off the lights...okay...okay...i won't even shut you away in the washing machine. And I will get you tons and tons of ice-cream of every flavour everyday except for Litchi for I'll not forget-on-purpose that you are allergic to it. I will always keep you happy dearest! Always!!
...all because I am in LOVE and the whole world deserves to be happy!!!!
Dismay anxiety terror. An explosion inside. A feeling of emptiness. A feeling of purposelessness. I scamper in all directions, Far as my feet can manage. But the fear lies within me. Do I stand alone and fight Or try run away from me?
The ticktock of the clocks Fades away and stops. I stare ahead in the darkness. Nobody asks if I care less. I have lost all I had. But I am just as glad. I will fight till am gone. My heart keeps ticking on.
I seek a favour from you. Kill yourself before I do. Before night begets day. Pretty please if I may. I seek this not for me, But in interests of all humanity. Your existence is a disgrace. Violation of ground and airspace. Help if you will ever need, I will lend a knife to lead. Cut out your heart, This for a welcome start. Free us all prisoners. And then burn it to cinders.
I catch a glimpse.
Shrilly blue lace.
Defies gravity. Against all odds.
I plan to make
My move but...
through her valley.
Don't I love
And then they...
Smearing of lipstick
on each other.
Routing the places of paradise.
Duel each other
With their tongues.
Whilst me is hardly
As they pass
How he cries!
A prisoner lost in battle.
Death won't account
For wounds suffered
Where one lost thy love,
Cannot be healed. The soul remains,
There would seem no end.
the ignominy of it all,
Where love has foundered.
Shall find a way.