HAPPY NEW YEAR

"To be born again," sang Gibreel Farishta tumbling from the heavens, "first you have to die. Hoji! Hoji! To land upon the bosomy earth, first one needs to fly. Tat-taa! Taka-thun! How to ever smile again, if first you won't cry? How to win the darling's love, mister, without a sigh? Baba, if you want to get born again . . ." (.........) "I tell you, you must die, I tell you, I tell you,"
-Salman Rushdie, The Satanic Verses.


It’s the last day of the year and in the early morning twilight I lazily stretch myself and look at the still shimmering stars above. No, it’s not like I am sleeping in the open. I just pasted little fluorescent star stickers on the ceiling of my room. It provides for a much-relaxed ambience. Bapu comes up to me and no, he's not the grumpy-types today for some strange reason, neither does he kick me out of bed with his 'whole day doing couch garam' patent dialogue. Instead he just sits by and reminiscences on the long year gone by. He tells me, as I hear blanket-draped mucus-eyed, about Change. There is apparently nothing permanent except change. Not even my lucky red underwear which I have been wearing since the last four years on certain special tension-walah occasions with actually, no effect. But still!! The world changes so do places, things, relationships, girlfriends(!), boyfriends(?), jobs, bosses, secretaries, moods, mobile phones...they all change. Even people. Believe me. I had more warts this year than last time. Time transcends at its even pace and the present moment slips on to the next.

And bapu leans down and almost in a whisper tells me to change as well...for the better. Now that would pose a real problem, I think!! He tells me to resolve, to pledge, to oath that in the coming year I will do so. Resolutions huh?!!

I wonder! Resolutions are meant to be broken but then in the finest tradition that has been going on since time immortal, I do have to make a list. And I am already up with one! I resolve not to bitch about anybody in the coming year. That’s too much to ask for me but then a little effort won't do me any harm. Though it means less entertainment for my drinking partners while we have our evening binge together and I'll also have to cut down on my colourful expletive vocabulary that I have so specially developed for some people. Yes, nevertheless! So even if you ask me, in the coming year, about say...Maria, I would still restrain myself because of my resolvement and probably shut my mouth off. Because since there is nothing good about her I would have nothing to speak for her. And silence is golden and more times than often, it hints exactly at what's left unspoken!! So there you are. All done! All set!!

I throw away the blanket and jump off the bed and as soon as my naked feet touch the bare ground I freeze in attention. Brrrrrrrrr...its damn cold!!!

Anyway folks, thanks for bearing me this year. Next year is going to be more nastier!! Wish you a HAPPY NEW YEAR! Party on!!

Just an afterthought: When I thought about the evils of drinking in the New Year. I gave up thinking.

EVENINGS AT MARINA

(NOTE: Subtitled: 'The white rabbit dies...'
Location: Marina beach, Chennai.)

This is a sequel to my previous post, "EVENINGS AT VIZAG", but unlike in Vizag where I had come to deal with my identity crisis, its wartime in Chennai.

As evening shows up, I dig my way out from the yellow sand where I had buried myself for the last twenty-four hours. A little trick with a plastic pipe helped me breathe and survive. Sand sticks to my beard which flows down to my belly button making it look like an upside-down anthill. I brush off the tiny homophilic crabs who were till now having a great time tickling my privates. I breathe in the salty air and almost immediately start readying myself for the battle.

My journey from the sleepy town of Vizag to this hot and humid metro of Chennai had been much tedious with me autodidatically preparing myself with sword-play and kite-flying and target shooting using the archaic form of archery which forms the crux of my encounter with the white rabbit. I should have been here enjoying a drink with tiger prawns and grilled calamari salad but so much for life to show its twisted face in the times of such global sullenness. Rage fills me and watch how I flare my internally finger-printed nostrils. I used to bemuse little non-undies wearing children and also at times lonely married fat-bellied mole-faced women with my flary nostrils but as of now I mean it only to express my furor. This purportedly act is to ensure I drive out all demons from my mind. I stand at the extreme end of my bipolarity and before my schizophrenic mind succumbs to the 'world-is-ending' illusionary reality I must take appropriate emergency measures. Even if it means going to war!! With the moon!!!!!

Chennai claims to be the land of the yellow sun. What amazes me first-on is people stand so indifferent here unlike the Vizagens. Men, bear-chested and lungi-draped revel around with women draped with real yellow-gold jewellery at the beach, the Marina- which marks itself as the longest beach in India. At times of low tide with my short-sightedness I would feel like I am in the middle of a desert! And Lo! I sight a sarder walking up towards me. Which itself is a paradoxical statement. A Sardar in the land of Madrasis!! I recollect the old joke in which a Tamilian asks a Sardar, "Tamil terema??" and the Sardar in his grunty voice replies, "Oye! Punjab tera Baap." (Here greater emphasis should be given to the P-syllable in the Baap word in order to have the desired Punjabi aftereffect).

Anyway, Midnight approaches and the people are snoring away, the tide is here and the clouds have parted to reveal the white rabbit hiding in the full moon. Time for some regal action, I would say!

The moon laughs at my nakedness. Not that I am naked in the literal sense of the term but more in my unpreparedly stance for the battle. Its true I did not carry along my Hanzo sword with me but hey hey HEY!! I have the arrows sharpened enough to pierce the toughest of all tough hearts to fight back the parasitic white rabbit in the moon. I whip my armory out in a flash and you can immediately hear a whimpering somewhere. Scared already!!! I swing it in the air and let go...it slips away and rears itself for the much-awaited blow. Watch how high it goes...up up and away! For a lunar experience as no other!!

The white rabbit controls the moon. Of all lovers delight, it wretches their life with its evil red eyes. It makes them bow down to its sorcery. And I with my bow, plan to bring it down. I let out my arrows one after another but the rabbit is not as innocent as it seems. It has tricks up its sleeve. It makes the moon wax and wane and escapes my yellow-frog poisoned darts. It makes the waves rush towards me in order to unbalance my stance but I run. On tiptoes I dance away the fury of the night. The waves crash around me but I have mastered the art of war. Of self-defence. It makes the wind blow dirty sand into my eyes to blind me but I coolly pick on my night shades and requite on. The rabbit brings the clouds in to shield itself but its armour is no match to my fury. I rip run roar into the wilderness of the dark night and all the sparkling stars lose their shimmer and die. The white rabbit picks them up and meteors them away towards me but I hunch and hide and shy away. A burning star sets afire my rusty beard and it singes down in a crackling of a sound. But my determination is unburnt. I hurl packets of wet sand into the eyes of the white rabbit to blind it. It makes the rabbits eyes grow redder with effect. It grumps with fiery delight but soon gets to defence as I strengthen my attack with full flow. The cracks begin to appear. Stains form on the surface of the moon. The rabbit is tiring. The waves have started to cease and the wind has mildewed its howl. I can feel the end is near. And finally, with one crackling shot, I pierce the white rabbit in its heart.

Silence prevails. The moon disappears. Darkness surrounds me. I can only hear the sound of the smothering waves. Fireflies lit up the sky in rejoice. The stars appear twinkling. Aquarius, Phoenix, Sagittarius, Orion, and the much-feared Scorpius. I am victorious. I drop back and fall on the soft sand. I let the glory slowly sink into me as the frothy tired waves come and kiss my feet. They worship me and bring me gifts from the deep sea. Starfish crawl on my belly and bivalves and clams envelop my exposed soul. Sea dogs (which are to mean stray dogs that live near the beach) crowd me and howl at the moonless night. Those tiny homophilic crabs are back doing what they do best. But do I look as if I mind?! I feel blessed and calmness overcomes me.

The journey to the Dark side of the Moon was started by a single step in an unwelcoming direction. But I have laid down my demons and fought with all my heart to come out triumphant in all respects. I harbour on with the knowledge that the moon will be back with its innocent shine and the white rabbit will just be a shadowy figurine as a dark reminder that good prevails over evil.

Maria who is shit scared does not grunt about any photo-shotos this time.

The third and final part of this trilogy will be posted soon.