THE HUMAN CANNONBALL

It was only when I sat down did I realise how tired I actually was and before I could give my ageing body some rest, Nikky came running, “It’s starting in five minutes...The Human Cannonball! Let’s go let’s go let’s go let’s go!!” and she dragged my hand leading me through beautiful Arab women veiled away from prying eyes, skin baring Europeans, a pair of unusually tall Filipinos, moustachioed hair-combed dark Indians and a bunch of bubble-blowing foot-stamping children to a huge gathering below a thin hung up net.

I had come or rather been sweet-talked coaxed persuaded by Nikita Hempton; my wild-haired child-brained friend, to ‘The Global Village’ which is a three-month long festival happening every year in Dubai. Having spent a little more than three excruciating hours of Giant-wheel rides, painful-to-watch cultural dance-shows and most importantly, shopping through the various pavilions of all the participating countries buying stuff for Nikky till I exhausted my cash & credit card limit (She did say she will pay me back later which I highly doubt), all I wished for was to go home and sleep.

As they played ‘Shoot to thrill’ by AC/DC, Nikky explained: “You see, the guy will get into that cannon placed over there and then they will shoot him a hundred fifty feet in the air and then he will fall in that net hung over there.”

“What’s the big deal about it?” I asked.

“Shut-up-and-listen!” She said, “...and this is the first time he’s performing in the middle-east so I have to see it. Don’t know whether I’ll get to see this again.” And then she offered me her green candy floss to pep me up a bit.

“Where did you get this?” I asked. “Isn’t candy floss supposed to be pink?”

“Shut-up-and-see!”

The emcee introduced the balding but volitorial Chinese guy who was going to play out this death defying act. As he prepared to address the spectators, a litter of children brushed through Nikky and me holding a bunch of smiley-faced coloured helium-filled balloons. That’s the problem with children. You ought to give them way. Kids will spit at you and you can’t do anything about it. If you beat them you will be berated by everyone and if you complain, they will retort, ‘But they are only children.’ So I feigned defeat and tried to find a clear line of vision through the air-heads. I saw then, the Chinese guy, as he snoached about his travails around the world, with a clear sense of discomfort on his pale leathered face.

To get a more distinct understanding about his woes, I fine-tuned my mind to his inner mind and it was then that I discovered to my amusement that he was suffering from acidity ever since eating one-too-many schwarmas that evening. As deep unrest grew within him, I couldn’t help but stomach the similitude that here was he-‘the real human cannonball’.

He positioned himself inside the cannon and prepared himself for his launch. As soon as the mob chanted ten nine eight seven six five four three two one, he exploded in the air with a loud bang thus scaring the kid in front of me who let go his balloon and ran back to find solace in his mommy’s arms. Now the balloon having been freed and with a destiny of its own, travelled high in the air right in the trajectory of the propelled Chineseman. The two met at the highest point of the eclipse and this is where things got interesting.

The human cannonball collided with the balloon, mid-air, and due to the sudden shock of the unexpected encounter, he was lightened off his internal misery. The sound of his breaking wind was masked by the equally loud pop of the exploding balloon thus saving the now-relieved acrobat some dignity while the stunned crowd below looked on with disbelief at his marvellous feat of bursting a balloon in the air. As soon as he landed safely in the net, he was acknowledged with a thunderous round of applause by the astonished crowd. It was the first time I saw the great entertainer smile since evening.

I casually put a hand around Nikky and told her that this was indeed the greatest show I had ever seen. While she, visibly irritated with the foul smell which was now slowing enveloping the air around, brushed off my arm off her shoulders and fumed, “Shut-up-and-let’s-go!”