Saturday, February 27, 2010

WRATH OF THE CURSE

An arrow once released can’t be drawn back
And will find its fatal prey.
Words of hatred spewed in anger,
Also will react the same way.

Doomed forever are the unfortunate few
Whose lonely souls are cursed.
A wily serpent on their trail.
Can you really undo once cussed?

A curse seeks mighty solace,
In the misery of the human mind.
And will torment you to death.
Kill you before your time.

THE GREATEST WOMAN OF ALL

Silly you!
Slap yourself before I do!
Of course, she isn’t 10 feet tall.

She is my sparkling diamond.
Sunshine that beams the dark land.
She is my Greatest Woman of All!

I seek to kiss the soles of her feet.
‘Cause she loves me in a way so sweet;
Unconditionally. I remain: thralled.

Watch her smile, will you!
A spry jolt of lightening out of the blue.
Magic Vanish for your sorrows all.

Wherever she goes, there is
An aura of tranquil bliss.
Spearing the shadows of our mind’s wall.

She speaks the language of Love.
Forgives me each time somehow.
She is the Greatest Woman of All!

Thursday, February 25, 2010

DIE MUTHRFUCKR DIE

When I said I was happy I was just lying.
Each morning I wake up and find myself dying.


I tried to cut my wrists but the knife was too blunt.
I tried to hang myself but the tree branch broke.
I tried consuming poison, but I only got high.
I tried to light myself on fire but I couldn’t find a match.
I jumped of a high raiser only to fall in a swimming pool.
I lay on the railway tracks, but the motormen went on strike.


 
I am nothing but a loser.
And now I want to die because am not good even at killing myself.

Monday, February 15, 2010

LOVE YOU FOREVER

It’s a perfect day. It’s neither too cloudy nor too sunny. I wish time could just freeze. The outdoors is like a picture postcard of some exotic locale. I recline back next to Nikky on the grass watching the clouds form amazing shapes in the sky. I feel blessed to be with her. Her mere presence is enough to fill my life with joy forever. Nothing she would do would make me love her less.

"Look", she says and points toward the sky, “That’s a turtle which has retracted into the shell.”

I love her antique bracelet that her grandma gave her to protect her from lightning. I love the way she smells. It is heavenly intoxicating. I love how her crazy hair ruffles in the air and feels silken to my touch. I love it when she makes those baby faces and kisses me on the tip of my nose.

"…and there”, she goes again, “now that’s an elephant with wings!”

I love it when she says she isn’t hungry and then proceeds to eat whatever all is on my plate. I love it when she tells me that she will sleep besides me even though I snore a lot (Fact is she is the one who snores, while I comply only because I love her). I love it when she hugs me and nuzzles my neck.

“That one…” she says, “…is a snake which swallowed a whole house with a TV antenna on the roof.”

I look at her and kiss her right ear and tell her that I love her and if she ever left me I would kill her.

“Awww!!” She goes and cups my face. “You are such a romantic. I love you too!”

“I love you three!!” I say.

“I love you till infinity!!”

I love her snorty laugh. I love how she always tells me to shut up. I love the way she scrubs my body when we shower together, I love how she is always interested in whatever I do. I love it how cute she sounds whenever she is excited about something. I love her OCDness. I love how she finishes her bacardi/slice in one go. I love the fact that she swings both ways. I love the fact that she refuses to ever completely grow up.

Sometimes I fear the clouds will roll on and I will lose her but then I look into her puppy-eyes and feel the reassuring faith that come what may, she will forever be by my side.

"I love you plus one!"

Sunday, February 14, 2010

(WILL YOU BE) MY VALENTINE

To you my Jigripoo, my Catwoman, my Honeybunny…I love thee, I love thee, I love thee…forever and a day.


Funny faces you make and pout.
And then tell me you have to workout.
“But before am back,
Better cut out the slack,
With something to surprise me no doubt.”

I conjure up ideas in my brain.
Not just roses and sparkling champagne.
Something spectacular.
Romantic not jocular.
But then soon, you are back again.

O my sweet sunshine!
You are always on my mind.
Ask my crazy heart,
I would never part.
I want you to be forever mine!

I present this lousy poem to you,
And hope this will somehow make do,
For now, that is.
Sealed with a kiss.
Be my Valentine, will you?

Wednesday, January 13, 2010

QUOTE OF THE MONTH

"If I could drop dead right now, I'd be the happiest man alive."
Samuel Goldwyn

Thursday, January 7, 2010

THE SOUL-HUNTERS AND THE BULLET-DODGER

I am such a wimp that I would be scared to sleep alone in a room with the lights off.

But things were different that day.


I was at the mall with Nikky. She had dragged me along so that she wouldn’t have to carry her own shopping bags. I din't want to go but there was nothing I could do. She was busy trying out the numerous baby-sized tops and before she could ask me the dreaded question, “Am I looking FAT in this?”, I decided to grab a quick bite. I know, after two black eyes, one broken limb and one lost tooth that it’s better to dodge the situation no matter how brave-hearted you are.


I was just about to munch into my favourite momos when I heard the scream. There were sounds like the bursting of firecrackers coming from inside and within seconds people started running out. The whole place which had seemed so peaceful a few moments ago was suddenly in chaos. I contemplated for a while whether to finish my snack or to go check on Nikky and then I decided on the latter. As I entered in wedging my way through the great sea of shrieking people I saw them.


They were two of them. While one of them held a pistol and carried a large gleaming knife in his waist-belt the other was firing away with his machine gun. But what was strange was that they were not targeting people. I could not see anybody hurt or dead across the floor. But they saw red. This is because they both wore red shades.


And then I realised who they were.


Soul-hunters have existed on earth since the medieval times. They hunt souls (as you might have guessed already), but not just any soul. They look for the purest soul that hasn’t sinned ever which is also the most rarest to find on earth and elsewhere. They believe if they release an untainted soul, they are assured of an eternal life of youth and happiness. Who wouldn’t want to be 18 forever!


And then I realised why they were here.


Nikita Hempton snores louder than a jackhammer and makes me wash the dishes every day. But she loves me more than the moon. And when I sleep in her arms (with ear-plugs), I feel life is so beautiful that I will die! She may boss her way around but I have never known her to speak ill of others or hold any grudges toward anyone. She paves the way for being an enigma of a better human being than us mortals.


And then I realised she is the one and I got to save her any which way.


I was rooted at the spot as my heartbeat ran a mile. I was wondering what to do when I heard her scream my name. I cautiously ambled towards the store. They were inside. I hunched against the wall and slowly peeped through the glass. One of them held Nikky by her hair as the other drew out his knife and prepared to plunge through her tweeting heart. Nikky’s eyes grew larger in fright as her voice disappeared and I knew I had to do something NOW. I am no Superman but at that moment I knew I could just about do anything I thought of. I couldn’t bear to lose Nikky.


I picked up a metal side-post that was lying around in the chaos and braced myself. As he held the knife at the highest point of his radius I ran in, my thoughts only on killing these freaking bastards, through the glass that shattered into a high-pitched million smatterings and as the guy holding Nikky turned around in surprise, I brought down the metal rod sideways to his head, thus decapitating him in one single blow. His head rolled down the floor while his limp body fell onto a now-fainting Nikky Hempton. The other guy was too stunned to think for a while and then he just dropped his knife and took out his pistol. As he pressed the trigger, the bullet rushed through, rotating and directed towards me. Instinctively, I swung the metal rod (now stained red) and the bullet ricocheted as it hit the middle of the rod with a clang. I dropped it and ran full tilt towards the bewildered would-be assassin. I grabbed him and ran pushing him through the length of the store, through the well hung clothes, smashing the far window and breaking through it. I fell along with him three storeys into the ground.


Acted by gravity but cushioned by his body, I survived the fall. I was discharged from the hospital the next day with a fractured right hand and a few minor bruises. As I stepped out of the hospital with a wide-beaming Nikky on my other arm, I was greeted with a huge frenzy of hysterical people who were chanting my name and the media-persons who wouldn’t stop clicking my pictures. Soon I was front-page news. People wouldn’t stop interviewing me. I appeared on National TV. I started getting offers for ads, ribbon-cutting ceremonies for new openings, movie roles. People hounded me for autographs. In less than two days I got more than ten thousand friend requests on Facebook and this very blog recorded a million hits in a day. I was awarded the National Bravery Award to be given by the great President himself on Republic Day. I was a celebrity. I was a Superhero.


...and then I woke up. Nikky had left early as usual. She had left behind a note in her most scrawniest handwriting, ‘Wash dishes, clean house before I return or no food for you even today.’

I may be a Superhero, but am doomed forever.

Tuesday, January 5, 2010

COFFEE AT SIX

At six she comes in her balcony
With her morning cup of coffee.
I wake at five and get ready
And hide below and see.

The milkman passes and smiles.
It's been months this's going on.
Hasn't been a day I have missed.
Hasn't been a day she's gone.

There have been times I have though
Of approaching with my love for her.
And today I plan to do just that.
There is nothing I have to fear.

She hasn't shown up yet, it's eight.
I shall wait to go through my plan.
And finally when she turns up.
Her coffee's been replaced by a man.

Monday, December 28, 2009

GOODBYE BLUE SKY

Goodbye Cruel World
I'm leaving you today.
Goodbye, goodbye, goodbye.
Goodbye all you people,
There's nothing you can say,
To make me change my mind.
Goodbye. -Pink Floyd

I always thought I would die a spectacular death. Something extraordinary. Out of the blue. Something which would catch people’s attention. Something which I was not able to do while alive.

But now am dead and nothing of how it happened matters to me. All what matters is the freedom of my bruised and baffled soul.

I do not blame anyone for my death. I am entirely responsible for it. Death is my creation. For twenty-seven wretched years I have dreamt of achieving success and fame and a little happiness for me and my parents. But I have been unable to do so. I have lived an eccentric & wasted life and I have disappointed a lot of people. But I do not feel sorry for it. I lived and I died with no regrets.

Do not call me a quitter. I am not.

I just got bored of life. Nothing interests me anymore.
Take care people.

praneeth(09/11/2012)

THE HUMAN CANNONBALL

It was only when I sat down did I realise how tired I actually was and before I could give my ageing body some rest, Nikky came running, “It’s starting in five minutes...The Human Cannonball! Let’s go let’s go let’s go let’s go!!” and she dragged my hand leading me through beautiful Arab women veiled away from prying eyes, skin baring Europeans, a pair of unusually tall Filipinos, moustachioed hair-combed dark Indians and a bunch of bubble-blowing foot-stamping children to a huge gathering below a thin hung up net.

I had come or rather been sweet-talked coaxed persuaded by Nikita Hempton; my wild-haired child-brained friend, to ‘The Global Village’ which is a three-month long festival happening every year in Dubai. Having spent a little more than three excruciating hours of Giant-wheel rides, painful-to-watch cultural dance-shows and most importantly, shopping through the various pavilions of all the participating countries buying stuff for Nikky till I exhausted my cash & credit card limit (She did say she will pay me back later which I highly doubt), all I wished for was to go home and sleep.

As they played ‘Shoot to thrill’ by AC/DC, Nikky explained: “You see, the guy will get into that cannon placed over there and then they will shoot him a hundred fifty feet in the air and then he will fall in that net hung over there.”
“What’s the big deal about it?” I asked.
“Shut-up-and-listen!” She said, “...and this is the first time he’s performing in the middle-east so I have to see it. Don’t know whether I’ll get to see this again.” And then she offered me her green candy floss to pep me up a bit.
“Where did you get this?” I asked. “Isn’t candy floss supposed to be pink?”
“Shut-up-and-see!”
The emcee introduced the balding but volitorial Chinese guy who was going to play out this death defying act. As he prepared to address the spectators, a litter of children brushed through Nikky and me holding a bunch of smiley-faced coloured helium-filled balloons. That’s the problem with children. You ought to give them way. Kids will spit at you and you can’t do anything about it. If you beat them you will be berated by everyone and if you complain, they will retort, ‘But they are only children.’ So I feigned defeat and tried to find a clear line of vision through the air-heads. I saw then, the Chinese guy, as he snoached about his travails around the world, with a clear sense of discomfort on his pale leathered face.
To get a more distinct understanding about his woes, I fine-tuned my mind to his inner mind and it was then that I discovered to my amusement that he was suffering from acidity ever since eating one-too-many schwarmas that evening. As deep unrest grew within him, I couldn’t help but stomach the similitude that here was he-‘the real human cannonball’.

He positioned himself inside the cannon and prepared himself for his launch. As soon as the mob chanted ten nine eight seven six five four three two one, he exploded in the air with a loud bang thus scaring the kid in front of me who let go his balloon and ran back to find solace in his mommy’s arms. Now the balloon having been freed and with a destiny of its own, travelled high in the air right in the trajectory of the propelled Chineseman. The two met at the highest point of the eclipse and this is where things got interesting.

The human cannonball collided with the balloon, mid-air, and due to the sudden shock of the unexpected encounter, he was lightened off his internal misery. The sound of his breaking wind was masked by the equally loud pop of the exploding balloon thus saving the now-relieved acrobat some dignity while the stunned crowd below looked on with disbelief at his marvellous feat of bursting a balloon in the air. As soon as he landed safely in the net, he was acknowledged with a thunderous round of applause by the astonished crowd. It was the first time I saw the great entertainer smile since evening.

I casually put a hand around Nikky and told her that this was indeed the greatest show I had ever seen. While she, visibly irritated with the foul smell which was now slowing enveloping the air around, brushed off my arm off her shoulders and fumed, “Shut-up-and-let’s-go!”

Saturday, December 19, 2009

BETA THETA (BEAT DEATH)

Death awaits me
And what an irony!
I know him coming
And wouldn’t concede victory.
For they say for life without strife,
It isn’t only about winning.
I encompass the universe
In my palms, death is my doing.
As blood finds its new path
Through my slit artery.
In your face death! In your macabre face!!
I fuck you before you can fuck me.

A SERIES OF MISADVENTURES OF A PERVERTED MIND – PART 1

EPISODE 1: THE MAGIC SUNGLASSES

Fact no. 1: Kanda increases your sexual appetite.


In his bathroom, Max Mathan winks at his reflection in the mirror. His index finger of his right hand digs deep in his thumb-sized right nostril in exploration for that evasive piece of silver gloop. Satisfied, he applies a generous portion to his yet boyish moustache to get the perfect Devil’s horns.

‘Should I? Shouldn’t I? Shouldn’t? Should?’ He wonders and in the end leaves without washing his hands.

While in the elevator, he amuses himself with the fan switch; onoffonoffon...off...onoffonoffon, much to the chagrin of the cheek-moled lady with the tiny Chihuahua besides him.

“What a bitch!” He blurts out loud.
“‘cuse me!” She says visibly annoyed. “He’s a male.”
“I know!” Max says and walks out.

Outside the sun is up and bright and the world is flooded with light. Max whips out his X-Ray Magic Sunglasses and puts it on. And then he sees what he certainly did not expect to see: The traffic pandu’s surprisingly clean shaved testicles, the beggar-woman’s tasteless sagging breasts, the virginal rumps of a bunch of chaste nuns and a hunk of meat hanging by the ever-smiling postman. Whoa! Who’s got mail?

Fact no. 2: Eating one normal sized banana gives you enough stamina for a good ninety minutes strenuous activity.

At the Club, people dance drink dance and make merry. The inebriated sounds of falsities fill the smoked air around. While our Maxie Boy strains his eye balls through his magic glares and feels a certain pulsating strain in his pants. He has never felt so good. He has never seen such beautiful sights before. Women walk by him; naked as the day they were born. The magic glasses are sure worth more than what he got them for, wonders Max and then more letches grins stares...

Well, how he got his special magic glasses is another story in itself and will follow later in the series.

Max finds a nice cosy corner and orders a large vodka-red bull. His right hand slips down the table as he unzips and takes out his male weapon. He knows that the public exposure will be downright demeaning but he can’t risk an explosion in his pants. He soaks in the sights as his movements gain momentum.

Fact no. 3: Smoking in no way decreases your member’s length.


And then he sees her...standing at the far end with her lovely heart-shaped ass (which will make Kim Kardashain kill herself in jealously) turned towards him. Max can’t see her face but he feels so turned on that his heart beats amplify and his pupils dilate...and something else grows larger and larger till he feels he cannot constrain it in the confined space under the table...and then she turns around.

And it is exactly at this precise moment that our hero, Max Mathan notices, through his X-Ray Magic Sunglasses, hanging between her legs a piece of meat that would make even the ever-smiling postman frown. And in the spur of second as he is about to cum due to the shock, Max in self-consciousness tries to zip back his pants and then...uh-huh, while in his hurriedness gets his enlarged member stuck in his bronze zipper.

Fact no. 4: Anal-sex is illegal and punishable by law in India.

Later, Paswinder Singh aka Pussy, the pot-bellied but short-tempered Sardar-watchman outside the Club claimed that he had never heard anyone in his six year service yelp so obstreperously over the Club-thumping music.

Fact no.5: It’s every man’s fantasy to be a lesbian.

At the hospital, the doctors; who had put on their masks because it was impossible to stop grinning at Max, discharged him after just a little bit of snip-snap.

Though Max Mathan was fortunate enough to not suffer disembodiment, the scars of the incident will remain fresh in his perverted mind for a long long time to cum...sorry come.

THE CHRISTMAS LIST

Since I have been such a well-behaved boy for the last 33 years of my life without once asking Santa Claus for anything, I thought this year would prepare a top ten list of things I so desire.
1. Toy cars with/without remote controlIt would be fun to race!

2. Pellet gunSo that I can improve my shooting skills

3. A full year’s supply of Jim-Jam biscuitsThe only thing I won’t ever share with anyone

4. A bicycle
Am so longing to ride one down the countryside

5. Box of crayons (64colours)I want to recolour the world.

6. Guitar HeroCool stuff

7. Beatles/Elvis Presely complete collection
Gods of music

8. Hunting knifeTo cut my wrists to overcome my only fear of cutting myself

9. The Satanic VersesThough I have read it, I do want a hard-bound copy for my personal collection.








10. I miss her so much

Thursday, November 5, 2009

PIKU ROBOT AND THE FUTURE SCIENTIST

This was written while I was stoned out and was I found it recently while going through my old files as a shriveled crumpled paper which i opened very frighteningly. It was supposed to be a fist draft to be expanded into an elaborate tale or movie script but I have posted it as it is because it seems better this way. And also because I am too lazy to expand on it.



Its present day. One guy is living normal life in college (insert snippets of normal college life.) Suddenly funny robot piku follows one guy. Guy is amazed. Robot says sent from future. Robot is stupid so cannot succeed in anything (one two incidents like failed bank robbery and failed exam copy).  Guy is depressed he is going to be a failure funny scientist in future (robot is innocent but says guy has funny reviews. Shows newspaper clippings of future where guy is gettibg mocked on). Guy starts taking drugs. Robot starts fading cuz after drugs failed scientist future guy will not even be scientist. Robot starts fading cuz age drugs failed scientist future guy will not even be scientist.  Delete this line and THIS line. Guy promises to work harder. (2-3 incidents where his honesty and hard work pays.  Don't include hauling construction equip at site to earn 2 times cake.)
Robot piku has extra features. Guy is jubilant and then he dismantles piku robot and reverse engineers robot while arriving at present day.

Another version he arrives in future where all is ice. And after completing piku robot when guy future scientist goes to do the first electric charging then piku robot says, "...finally..." and dies down as ectric charge is over. (Narration: This was farthest that piku robot spoke in this upteen attempts. Future scientist guy was tryibg to charge robot piku via ice as this was future where electricity is generated through ice (think reason why and how later to add). Even though this was ice age, lot of ice was there but future scientist didn't have enough brains to start robot piku and had used up all the ice in the world in his attempt to generate more and more electricity.  And then he realised cuz he broke robot pikus heart when he dismantled to reverse engineer.  And he thought how is it possible to divert time. (Insert Albert einstein quote.)

The end.(ending in cryptic way to allow for audience future interpretations.) 


Wednesday, October 28, 2009

THE SUBSET

It’s something which I can’t deny

Of how much you mean to me.

Faraway though you are,

Still it’s such a strong feel.

Though, on what I am to believe

You may not necessary agree.

You have let things to rot.

As if just to mock me!

My feelings for you are special.

I believe it’s too real to be true.

If only could make you understand…

I love you so much I’ll kill you.


Tuesday, September 22, 2009

I HAVE NEVER DIED BEFORE!

Life smiled at me once.
And I smiled right back.
Nothing more did I wish.
Nothing less did I lack.
But now this gloomy distance
Is slowly killing me.
More than I can take.
Not how I wished it to be.
I love you so much.
Right from my heart's core.
With you not around,
Each passing day I die a li'l more!

I-D-E-N-T-I-T-Y

I am a man of many faces.
None that I claim as my own.
I walk a hundred different paths.
None that ever leads me home.
Alive am I still and kicking.
With people wondering could it be how?
If there's something I gotta do
Then it well better be now.
But at times it gets me thinking,
How can I be just ME?
I wonder how long I'll take,
To be alive and yet free!

Saturday, August 29, 2009

LONG DISTANCE

Believing what friends say
Is all up to you.
Though whatever they gotta say,
Usually comes true.
And in this unwarrented debate
Of long distance relationships.
They may have many stories to tell
And may offer you many tips.
But I need you to remember
And be assured by it too.
Come what may ever,
I will keep loving you.
Through the test of distance,
As time stretches it longer.
I know it will somehow work,
My heart only grows more fonder.

Thursday, July 23, 2009

QUOTE OF THE MONTH

You know you're in love when you can't fall asleep because reality is finally better than your dreams - Dr. Seuss