GOODBYE BLUE SKY

Goodbye Cruel World

I'm leaving you today.

Goodbye, goodbye, goodbye.

Goodbye all you people,

There's nothing you can say,

To make me change my mind.

Goodbye. -Pink Floyd

I always thought I would die a spectacular death. Something extraordinary. Out of the blue. Something which would catch people’s attention. Something which I was not able to do while alive.

But now am dead and nothing of how it happened matters to me. All what matters is the freedom of my bruised and baffled soul.

I do not blame anyone for my death. I am entirely responsible for it. Death is my creation. For twenty-seven wretched years I have dreamt of achieving success and fame and a little happiness for me and my parents. But I have been unable to do so. I have lived an eccentric & wasted life and I have disappointed a lot of people. But I do not feel sorry for it. I lived and I died with no regrets.

Do not call me a quitter. I am not.

I just got bored of life. Nothing interests me anymore.

Take care people.

praneeth(09/11/2012)

THE HUMAN CANNONBALL

It was only when I sat down did I realise how tired I actually was and before I could give my ageing body some rest, Nikky came running, “It’s starting in five minutes...The Human Cannonball! Let’s go let’s go let’s go let’s go!!” and she dragged my hand leading me through beautiful Arab women veiled away from prying eyes, skin baring Europeans, a pair of unusually tall Filipinos, moustachioed hair-combed dark Indians and a bunch of bubble-blowing foot-stamping children to a huge gathering below a thin hung up net.

I had come or rather been sweet-talked coaxed persuaded by Nikita Hempton; my wild-haired child-brained friend, to ‘The Global Village’ which is a three-month long festival happening every year in Dubai. Having spent a little more than three excruciating hours of Giant-wheel rides, painful-to-watch cultural dance-shows and most importantly, shopping through the various pavilions of all the participating countries buying stuff for Nikky till I exhausted my cash & credit card limit (She did say she will pay me back later which I highly doubt), all I wished for was to go home and sleep.

As they played ‘Shoot to thrill’ by AC/DC, Nikky explained: “You see, the guy will get into that cannon placed over there and then they will shoot him a hundred fifty feet in the air and then he will fall in that net hung over there.”

“What’s the big deal about it?” I asked.

“Shut-up-and-listen!” She said, “...and this is the first time he’s performing in the middle-east so I have to see it. Don’t know whether I’ll get to see this again.” And then she offered me her green candy floss to pep me up a bit.

“Where did you get this?” I asked. “Isn’t candy floss supposed to be pink?”

“Shut-up-and-see!”

The emcee introduced the balding but volitorial Chinese guy who was going to play out this death defying act. As he prepared to address the spectators, a litter of children brushed through Nikky and me holding a bunch of smiley-faced coloured helium-filled balloons. That’s the problem with children. You ought to give them way. Kids will spit at you and you can’t do anything about it. If you beat them you will be berated by everyone and if you complain, they will retort, ‘But they are only children.’ So I feigned defeat and tried to find a clear line of vision through the air-heads. I saw then, the Chinese guy, as he snoached about his travails around the world, with a clear sense of discomfort on his pale leathered face.

To get a more distinct understanding about his woes, I fine-tuned my mind to his inner mind and it was then that I discovered to my amusement that he was suffering from acidity ever since eating one-too-many schwarmas that evening. As deep unrest grew within him, I couldn’t help but stomach the similitude that here was he-‘the real human cannonball’.

He positioned himself inside the cannon and prepared himself for his launch. As soon as the mob chanted ten nine eight seven six five four three two one, he exploded in the air with a loud bang thus scaring the kid in front of me who let go his balloon and ran back to find solace in his mommy’s arms. Now the balloon having been freed and with a destiny of its own, travelled high in the air right in the trajectory of the propelled Chineseman. The two met at the highest point of the eclipse and this is where things got interesting.

The human cannonball collided with the balloon, mid-air, and due to the sudden shock of the unexpected encounter, he was lightened off his internal misery. The sound of his breaking wind was masked by the equally loud pop of the exploding balloon thus saving the now-relieved acrobat some dignity while the stunned crowd below looked on with disbelief at his marvellous feat of bursting a balloon in the air. As soon as he landed safely in the net, he was acknowledged with a thunderous round of applause by the astonished crowd. It was the first time I saw the great entertainer smile since evening.

I casually put a hand around Nikky and told her that this was indeed the greatest show I had ever seen. While she, visibly irritated with the foul smell which was now slowing enveloping the air around, brushed off my arm off her shoulders and fumed, “Shut-up-and-let’s-go!”

BETA THETA (BEAT DEATH)

Death awaits me
And what an irony!
I know him coming
And wouldn’t concede victory.
For they say for life without strife,
It isn’t only about winning.
I encompass the universe
In my palms, death is my doing.
As blood finds its new path
Through my slit artery.
In your face death! In your macabre face!!
I fuck you before you can fuck me.

A SERIES OF MISADVENTURES OF A PERVERTED MIND – PART 1

EPISODE 1: THE MAGIC SUNGLASSES

Fact no. 1: Kanda increases your sexual appetite.

In his bathroom, Max Mathan winks at his reflection in the mirror. His index finger of his right hand digs deep in his thumb-sized right nostril in exploration for that evasive piece of silver gloop. Satisfied, he applies a generous portion to his yet boyish moustache to get the perfect Devil’s horns.

‘Should I? Shouldn’t I? Shouldn’t? Should?’ He wonders and in the end leaves without washing his hands.

While in the elevator, he amuses himself with the fan switch; onoffonoffon...off...onoffonoffon, much to the chagrin of the cheek-moled lady with the tiny Chihuahua besides him.

“What a bitch!” He blurts out loud.
“‘cuse me!” She says visibly annoyed. “He’s a male.”
“I know!” Max says and walks out.

Outside the sun is up and bright and the world is flooded with light. Max whips out his X-Ray Magic Sunglasses and puts it on. And then he sees what he certainly did not expect to see: The traffic pandu’s surprisingly clean shaved testicles, the beggar-woman’s tasteless sagging breasts, the virginal rumps of a bunch of chaste nuns and a hunk of meat hanging by the ever-smiling postman. Whoa! Who’s got mail?

Fact no. 2: Eating one normal sized banana gives you enough stamina for a good ninety minutes strenuous activity.

At the Club, people dance drink dance and make merry. The inebriated sounds of falsities fill the smoked air around. While our Maxie Boy strains his eye balls through his magic glares and feels a certain pulsating strain in his pants. He has never felt so good. He has never seen such beautiful sights before. Women walk by him; naked as the day they were born. The magic glasses are sure worth more than what he got them for, wonders Max and then more letches grins stares...

Well, how he got his special magic glasses is another story in itself and will follow later in the series.

Max finds a nice cosy corner and orders a large vodka-red bull. His right hand slips down the table as he unzips and takes out his male weapon. He knows that the public exposure will be downright demeaning but he can’t risk an explosion in his pants. He soaks in the sights as his movements gain momentum.

Fact no. 3: Smoking in no way decreases your member’s length.

And then he sees her...standing at the far end with her lovely heart-shaped ass (which will make Kim Kardashain kill herself in jealously) turned towards him. Max can’t see her face but he feels so turned on that his heart beats amplify and his pupils dilate...and something else grows larger and larger till he feels he cannot constrain it in the confined space under the table...and then she turns around.

And it is exactly at this precise moment that our hero, Max Mathan notices, through his X-Ray Magic Sunglasses, hanging between her legs a piece of meat that would make even the ever-smiling postman frown. And in the spur of second as he is about to cum due to the shock, Max in self-consciousness tries to zip back his pants and then...uh-huh, while in his hurriedness gets his enlarged member stuck in his bronze zipper.

Fact no. 4: Anal-sex is illegal and punishable by law in India.

Later, Paswinder Singh aka Pussy, the pot-bellied but short-tempered Sardar-watchman outside the Club claimed that he had never heard anyone in his six year service yelp so obstreperously over the Club-thumping music.

Fact no.5: It’s every man’s fantasy to be a lesbian.

At the hospital, the doctors; who had put on their masks because it was impossible to stop grinning at Max, discharged him after just a little bit of snip-snap.

Though Max Mathan was fortunate enough to not suffer disembodiment, the scars of the incident will remain fresh in his perverted mind for a long long time to cum...sorry come.

THE CHRISTMAS LIST

Since I have been such a well-behaved boy for the last 33 years of my life without once asking Santa Claus for anything, I thought this year would prepare a top ten list of things I so desire.

1. Toy cars with/without remote controlIt would be fun to race!

2. Pellet gunSo that I can improve my shooting skills

3. A full year’s supply of Jim-Jam biscuitsThe only thing I won’t ever share with anyone

4. A bicycle
Am so longing to ride one down the countryside

5. Box of crayons (64colours)I want to recolour the world.

6. Guitar HeroCool stuff

7. Beatles/Elvis Presely complete collection
Gods of music

8. Hunting knifeTo cut my wrists to overcome my only fear of cutting myself

9. The Satanic VersesThough I have read it, I do want a hard-bound copy for my personal collection.

10. I miss her so much

PIKU ROBOT AND THE FUTURE SCIENTIST

This was written while I was stoned out and was I found it recently while going through my old files as a shriveled crumpled paper which i opened very frighteningly. It was supposed to be a fist draft to be expanded into an elaborate tale or movie script but I have posted it as it is because it seems better this way. And also because I am too lazy to expand on it.

Its present day. One guy is living normal life in college (insert snippets of normal college life.) Suddenly funny robot piku follows one guy. Guy is amazed. Robot says sent from future. Robot is stupid so cannot succeed in anything (one two incidents like failed bank robbery and failed exam copy).  Guy is depressed he is going to be a failure funny scientist in future (robot is innocent but says guy has funny reviews. Shows newspaper clippings of future where guy is gettibg mocked on). Guy starts taking drugs. Robot starts fading cuz after drugs failed scientist future guy will not even be scientist. Robot starts fading cuz age drugs failed scientist future guy will not even be scientist.  Delete this line and THIS line. Guy promises to work harder. (2-3 incidents where his honesty and hard work pays.  Don't include hauling construction equip at site to earn 2 times cake.)

Robot piku has extra features. Guy is jubilant and then he dismantles piku robot and reverse engineers robot while arriving at present day.

Another version he arrives in future where all is ice. And after completing piku robot when guy future scientist goes to do the first electric charging then piku robot says, "...finally..." and dies down as ectric charge is over. (Narration: This was farthest that piku robot spoke in this upteen attempts. Future scientist guy was tryibg to charge robot piku via ice as this was future where electricity is generated through ice (think reason why and how later to add). Even though this was ice age, lot of ice was there but future scientist didn't have enough brains to start robot piku and had used up all the ice in the world in his attempt to generate more and more electricity.  And then he realised cuz he broke robot pikus heart when he dismantled to reverse engineer.  And he thought how is it possible to divert time. (Insert Albert einstein quote.)

The end.(ending in cryptic way to allow for audience future interpretations.) 

THE SUBSET

It’s something which I can’t deny

Of how much you mean to me.

Faraway though you are,

Still it’s such a strong feel.

Though, on what I am to believe

You may not necessary agree.

You have let things to rot.

As if just to mock me!

My feelings for you are special.

I believe it’s too real to be true.

If only could make you understand…

I love you so much I’ll kill you.

---

I HAVE NEVER DIED BEFORE!

Life smiled at me once.
And I smiled right back.
Nothing more did I wish.
Nothing less did I lack.
But now this gloomy distance
Is slowly killing me.
More than I can take.
Not how I wished it to be.
I love you so much.
Right from my heart's core.
With you not around,
Each passing day I die a li'l more!

I-D-E-N-T-I-T-Y

I am a man of many faces.
None that I claim as my own.
I walk a hundred different paths.
None that ever leads me home.
Alive am I still and kicking.
With people wondering could it be how?
If there's something I gotta do
Then it well better be now.
But at times it gets me thinking,
How can I be just ME?
I wonder how long I'll take,
To be alive and yet free!

LOVE COUPLET

You and Me.
Eternity.

LONG DISTANCE

Believing what friends say
Is all up to you.
Though whatever they gotta say,
Usually comes true.
And in this unwarrented debate
Of long distance relationships.
They may have many stories to tell
And may offer you many tips.
But I need you to remember
And be assured by it too.
Come what may ever,
I will keep loving you.
Through the test of distance,
As time stretches it longer.
I know it will somehow work,
My heart only grows more fonder.

QUOTE OF THE MONTH

You know you're in love when you can't fall asleep because reality is finally better than your dreams - Dr. Seuss

WIMBLEDON 2009

I never was an avid tennis fan but then now that I am jobless with very little to do, I have been following Wimbledon like never before. And don't I got any company...yes I do...who else to give a fellow vela company then the king of all loafers - Max Mathan himself. And he's taken over my house...sprawled over my comfort purple fake-leather couch, binging over my potato fries and slurping that each last drop of pint beer. Why do I have to put of this nonsense? But I do not mind cause Winbledon has taken over my very interest.

Boy! I have never seen people sweat it out like this. It did take me many a match to get down with the intricate rules of the game and before the end I did have some clear favourites. I could have won some money had I bet some on my choices but I regret not cause the whole show has been one great blockbuster.

Federer won and how...voila! I sure bet he never would have had to work so hard for his other 14 grand slams. He won not cause he was the best. I did feel he was beatable though with the Roddick serves slamming past his ear. But then he brings so much consistency to his game and that's what has led him to victory all these years. In a few months he will have another trophy that he will cherish the most of all trophies won in his lifetime what with his wifey all preggers.

Roddick was all teary in the end and must be getting the similar feel that Andy Murray felt in the semi-finals...being so close and yet so far. BTW, Max feels Murray looks like a geek. Well I didn't ever give much thought to his thoughts!!!

The woman's finals well got a bit predictable. I knew Williams would win!! Those girls sure got a lot of firepower in there. "Happy realisation", says Maria. I catch hold of her and shove her back in the refrigerator. It will help numb her demented brain!! Well coming back though I secretly wished Elena Dementieva made it to the finals. She was kinda cute.

Max Mathan knuckles up MY last pint and offers me a sip. As I quench my thirst, he pegs up and asks me, "Dude, given a choice who would you sleep with...Venus or Serena Williams?"

Well am I just sad Wimbledon's come to a close!!!

BIRTHDAY WISHES

I would have been an atheist but for you!

Warm birthday wishes

Regards,

Marald Grumpus

Dugaya Grumpus

Angelus Grumpus

Maria Maria

Sana Lakhotia

Akshan Amin

Ismetara Ali

Haroun Dilnawaz
Nikky Hempton
Suhana

Max Mathan

Taraai

Zairo

Aditi Seth
Namitha Shetty
Anita Nair

WARRIOR RED

Look closer where my heart is bled

I better hurry up before am dead.

I know this very path I dread.

But its something better done than said.

All those people whom I led.

Have safely packed their bags and fled.

Am left alone with me instead.

And I sharpen with gusto my axe-head.

I have to go many miles ahead.

Will cut those who stop me to shreds.

My life hangs on a golden thread.

My Glory to the world will I spread.

MIS...ER...unABLE

Its not me, its you.
Get back, Don't just stare.
Leave me alone,
While I traverse the yellow moon.
Pick up the starts,
And let me end
This story of life and death.
With you that spans the distance;
Shimmering eyes with blue lens.
Its you who freed me high.
Its you who wont let me fly.

QUOTE OF THE DAY

"All I'm gonna do is just go on and do what I feel."
Jimi Hendrix

DAZED

I, look up the sky,
Over horizons, covering all sides.
Eyes searching some answers,
Looking for peace, trouble in my mind.
Why, why cant I cry?
Life is lonely, wish I could die.
High as the mountains.
My spirits, healing inside.

Oh, Where should I run away, is there someplace for me to hide.
I am stranded alone on the highway and I need you by my side.
How long can I go on like this when nothing seems alright.
Oh please tear the Heavens apart and shower me with light.

I flip a coin to know my fate and I try my luck in different ways,
But nothing seems to come off it and I am trying trying...
It could well be just a phase as I try to get out of this maze,
But I am now just too dazed and I am dying dying...Yeah!!

I, look up the sky,
Watching the dark clouds roll by.
Time brings in more memories.
Memories which ask, why do we hurry.
Dreams fall in from above.
You are the only one, I'll always love.
Far in the dark night sky.
The moon, still smiling bright.

THE FIRST ENCOUNTER

His eyes seek her's.

Pray her's seek his. 

Stretches his neck.

Balances on toes. 

Makes himself visible

Over the competitive crowd. 

A glimpse will make 

Her fall for him

But fails as far

As his believes go. 

Clapping of hands.
Raising of voice. 

Blue denim jacket. 

The pursuits on. 

Determined, a chance

He has to take. 

Walks out through,

Halts before his prey.
She turns around,

Her eyes meet his. 

"One black coffee, sugarless

please", she says. 

"...er...yes, ma'am sure",

He blurts and turns.

Disappears, never to 

Ever return again. 

WITHOUT

A soldier without his gun.
A father without his son.
A bald-head without his cap.
A pirate without an eyepatch.
A doughnut without a hole.
A aspirant without a goal.
A dog without a bone.
A king without a throne.
A kid without a friend.
A story without an end.
A magician without his tricks.
A rockband without their gigs.
A boss without a secretary.
A Tom without his Jerry.
A nut without a screw.
Me without You.

MY SASSY GIRL

Battered down already with a broken nose.

Sheltering myself from her raining blows.

For reasons best only known to her.

At her mercy, I unquestioningly suffer.

Since I have nowhere to hide or run,

I pick up courage and face the gun.

She shoots me but with her kohl-lined eyes.

Straight in my heart with a doubtful surprise.

With kisses and hugs she belies her part.

Am quizzed at her sudden change of heart.

For forgiveness, she weeps, cries and begs.

And then squarely kicks me between my legs.

 

GFY

You of silken hair and defiant smile,
LOSER TERA BAAP!

QUOTE OF THE MONTH

I'm so glad.
I'm so glad.
I'm glad, I'm glad, I'm glad.

-DEEP PURPLE

KEEP SMILING

Deftly she walks in little hurried steps,

Dispelling gloom with her glittery smile.

Light reflects from her pearly whites,

Illuminating me each fortunate time.

 

Like a Lotus in a dreary mudpond,

She beautifies each thing around.

Gets you addicted quick-fast

And sweeps you off the still ground.

 

Lucky am I to have met her.

I wish to part with her never.

Grow old girl, wrinkle and crinkle,

But keep that smile on forever.

 

 

MORNING DARK

I open my eyes to darkness.
There's nothing I wish to see but you.
I run my hand on
The other side of bed
The empty side,
The sheets still impressioning you.
Through watery eyes and runny nose
I hold your dupatta close.
Left behind, forgotten-on-purpose.
I take in your fragrance.
Your memories shared.
My sweeter side of life.
Only time I felt alive.
I jab the knife in my eyes.
I open my eyes to darkness.
There's nothing I wish to see but you.

JOURNEY OF A LIFETIME

I knew something unexpected was going to happen when a cat crossed my path. Damn pussy!! Its not as if I believe in superstitions but this was so like one of those days when you wake up with a strange feeling and each innocuous happening around seems as one big conspiracy against you. So much for my paranoid mind!!! I am already late. As always! And I am in a hurry walking two steps at a time desperately trying to avoid bumping into people especially the machimar bais and the gelled gay pickpockets loitering around at the station and like always there's too much of gardi.

Even before the train enters the station I can see people alighting and boarding, defying the universal law of inertia. But so is life here. A struggle against all laws -local and universal, legal and illegal. I need to act soon or I will be left stranded. I stand amongst the crowd and get pushed in without any effort of my own.

The mood inside is precipital. People stick in like maggots crowding in, holding on, hanging out. A fan blurs in above spewing out a hot torrent of air. A cacophony of voices fills in the crowded compartment as I try hard to get my bearings. Its only after a couple of stations past where more people get in reiterating the idea that space is infinite do I realise that I am actually standing on somebody's feet. But he has other things to think of for his face is being smashed between two smelly armpits. He reminds me of Shahrukh's character from his latest movie. This is the classic middle class man who leaves home in the morning listening to the tantrums of his wife and travels for hours in dingy trains suffocating himself to death, as his elder son surfs porn after smoking weed and his daughter is making plans of eloping with their call-center-employee neighbour, only to reach his workplace and be totally humiliated by his manic boss. As evening falls he makes his way back home to his dysfunctional family through the same frustrating bheed and as he lies down at bed at night, he questions his own worth in the world. This continues until he drops dead but it hardly matters. The world keeps spinning around.

Time flies to the tune of the clickety-click of the trains and I wonder where I have reached. I try hard not to give kamasutra poses but to no avail. Something hard sticks to my behind and before my mind can comprehend, the slick looking guy behind me whips out his blackberry from his front trouser pocket and holds it apologetically. Blackberry people traveling in trains too!! What has the world come to?! People lean left right and centre on me and there's this guy who keeps dripping spittle on my shirt as he sleeps nonchalantly amidst this chaos. Looking at his peacedom I hardly have the heart to wake him up. I let him dream on.

As the train chugs in at some station people gear up at the door and I get some place to breathe at the other end. And then I sight her. At the opposite station she stands, waiting for her train to arrive. I do not know who she is but she is just the sort of person I have been envisaging in my dreams each night. Clad in a bright red-orange salwar-kameez that accentuates her curves she waits, rather impatiently, with a hand at the hips. I love the way her nose crinkles as she looks at the far distance. I crane my neck to have a better view and she looks at me. For a moment our eyes meet and I feel a connection that transcends logic. Time stands still and the hullabaloo around fades away. Through her mascara eyes she radiates positivism and love which fills in each molecule of me. I feel my feet soar above the steel footboard and an aura of happiness envelops me. The train starts moving but our eyes stick to each other till the bend. Suddenly, I am not nerved by my surroundings. I feel like hugging each person around. I start hearing laughter around, which I had never noticed before. People in here, though quite stressed now seem joyous, as this journey is a part of their lives too. The physical exertion no longer tires me. The train crosses a river and a cool breeze wafts in and vivifies my senses. All of a sudden my entire outlook toward life has changed. That one moment has made me believe that there are better things in life to live for. I feel rejuvenated and refreshed and my zeal for life has doubled.

Babe, I don't care who you are but I am overtly thankful to you for making my day. Cheers!!

QUOTABLE QUOTES

"I hate to advocate drugs, alcohol, violence, or insanity to anyone, but they've always worked for me."
Hunter S. Thompson


"Never tell anyone that you're writing a book, going on a diet, exercising, taking a course, or quitting smoking. They'll encourage you to death." - Lynn Johnston

MY FIRST KISS

By the drowning sun,

As waves crash by our feet.

She leans by my shoulder

As my heart misses a beat.

I coerce my nerves to stay,

Run my hand through her hair.

I slide my face by her.

More than I could ever dare.

As our lips pucker for a kiss.

I do what most would dread.

I burp right at her face

And I shouldn't have eaten garlic bread.

I have now learned from my mistakes.

But I live with a lonely heart.

And whenever I feel 'that' urge,

I let out a silent fart.