LONG DISTANCE

Believing what friends say
Is all up to you.
Though whatever they gotta say,
Usually comes true.
And in this unwarrented debate
Of long distance relationships.
They may have many stories to tell
And may offer you many tips.
But I need you to remember
And be assured by it too.
Come what may ever,
I will keep loving you.
Through the test of distance,
As time stretches it longer.
I know it will somehow work,
My heart only grows more fonder.

QUOTE OF THE MONTH

You know you're in love when you can't fall asleep because reality is finally better than your dreams - Dr. Seuss

WIMBLEDON 2009

I never was an avid tennis fan but then now that I am jobless with very little to do, I have been following Wimbledon like never before. And don't I got any company...yes I do...who else to give a fellow vela company then the king of all loafers - Max Mathan himself. And he's taken over my house...sprawled over my comfort purple fake-leather couch, binging over my potato fries and slurping that each last drop of pint beer. Why do I have to put of this nonsense? But I do not mind cause Winbledon has taken over my very interest.

Boy! I have never seen people sweat it out like this. It did take me many a match to get down with the intricate rules of the game and before the end I did have some clear favourites. I could have won some money had I bet some on my choices but I regret not cause the whole show has been one great blockbuster.

Federer won and how...voila! I sure bet he never would have had to work so hard for his other 14 grand slams. He won not cause he was the best. I did feel he was beatable though with the Roddick serves slamming past his ear. But then he brings so much consistency to his game and that's what has led him to victory all these years. In a few months he will have another trophy that he will cherish the most of all trophies won in his lifetime what with his wifey all preggers.

Roddick was all teary in the end and must be getting the similar feel that Andy Murray felt in the semi-finals...being so close and yet so far. BTW, Max feels Murray looks like a geek. Well I didn't ever give much thought to his thoughts!!!

The woman's finals well got a bit predictable. I knew Williams would win!! Those girls sure got a lot of firepower in there. "Happy realisation", says Maria. I catch hold of her and shove her back in the refrigerator. It will help numb her demented brain!! Well coming back though I secretly wished Elena Dementieva made it to the finals. She was kinda cute.

Max Mathan knuckles up MY last pint and offers me a sip. As I quench my thirst, he pegs up and asks me, "Dude, given a choice who would you sleep with...Venus or Serena Williams?"

Well am I just sad Wimbledon's come to a close!!!

BIRTHDAY WISHES

I would have been an atheist but for you!

Warm birthday wishes

Regards,

Marald Grumpus

Dugaya Grumpus

Angelus Grumpus

Maria Maria

Sana Lakhotia

Akshan Amin

Ismetara Ali

Haroun Dilnawaz
Nikky Hempton
Suhana

Max Mathan

Taraai

Zairo

Aditi Seth
Namitha Shetty
Anita Nair

WARRIOR RED

Look closer where my heart is bled

I better hurry up before am dead.

I know this very path I dread.

But its something better done than said.

All those people whom I led.

Have safely packed their bags and fled.

Am left alone with me instead.

And I sharpen with gusto my axe-head.

I have to go many miles ahead.

Will cut those who stop me to shreds.

My life hangs on a golden thread.

My Glory to the world will I spread.

MIS...ER...unABLE

Its not me, its you.
Get back, Don't just stare.
Leave me alone,
While I traverse the yellow moon.
Pick up the starts,
And let me end
This story of life and death.
With you that spans the distance;
Shimmering eyes with blue lens.
Its you who freed me high.
Its you who wont let me fly.

QUOTE OF THE DAY

"All I'm gonna do is just go on and do what I feel."
Jimi Hendrix

DAZED

I, look up the sky,
Over horizons, covering all sides.
Eyes searching some answers,
Looking for peace, trouble in my mind.
Why, why cant I cry?
Life is lonely, wish I could die.
High as the mountains.
My spirits, healing inside.

Oh, Where should I run away, is there someplace for me to hide.
I am stranded alone on the highway and I need you by my side.
How long can I go on like this when nothing seems alright.
Oh please tear the Heavens apart and shower me with light.

I flip a coin to know my fate and I try my luck in different ways,
But nothing seems to come off it and I am trying trying...
It could well be just a phase as I try to get out of this maze,
But I am now just too dazed and I am dying dying...Yeah!!

I, look up the sky,
Watching the dark clouds roll by.
Time brings in more memories.
Memories which ask, why do we hurry.
Dreams fall in from above.
You are the only one, I'll always love.
Far in the dark night sky.
The moon, still smiling bright.

THE FIRST ENCOUNTER

His eyes seek her's.

Pray her's seek his. 

Stretches his neck.

Balances on toes. 

Makes himself visible

Over the competitive crowd. 

A glimpse will make 

Her fall for him

But fails as far

As his believes go. 

Clapping of hands.
Raising of voice. 

Blue denim jacket. 

The pursuits on. 

Determined, a chance

He has to take. 

Walks out through,

Halts before his prey.
She turns around,

Her eyes meet his. 

"One black coffee, sugarless

please", she says. 

"...er...yes, ma'am sure",

He blurts and turns.

Disappears, never to 

Ever return again. 

WITHOUT

A soldier without his gun.
A father without his son.
A bald-head without his cap.
A pirate without an eyepatch.
A doughnut without a hole.
A aspirant without a goal.
A dog without a bone.
A king without a throne.
A kid without a friend.
A story without an end.
A magician without his tricks.
A rockband without their gigs.
A boss without a secretary.
A Tom without his Jerry.
A nut without a screw.
Me without You.

MY SASSY GIRL

Battered down already with a broken nose.

Sheltering myself from her raining blows.

For reasons best only known to her.

At her mercy, I unquestioningly suffer.

Since I have nowhere to hide or run,

I pick up courage and face the gun.

She shoots me but with her kohl-lined eyes.

Straight in my heart with a doubtful surprise.

With kisses and hugs she belies her part.

Am quizzed at her sudden change of heart.

For forgiveness, she weeps, cries and begs.

And then squarely kicks me between my legs.

 

GFY

You of silken hair and defiant smile,
LOSER TERA BAAP!

QUOTE OF THE MONTH

I'm so glad.
I'm so glad.
I'm glad, I'm glad, I'm glad.

-DEEP PURPLE

KEEP SMILING

Deftly she walks in little hurried steps,

Dispelling gloom with her glittery smile.

Light reflects from her pearly whites,

Illuminating me each fortunate time.

 

Like a Lotus in a dreary mudpond,

She beautifies each thing around.

Gets you addicted quick-fast

And sweeps you off the still ground.

 

Lucky am I to have met her.

I wish to part with her never.

Grow old girl, wrinkle and crinkle,

But keep that smile on forever.

 

 

MORNING DARK

I open my eyes to darkness.
There's nothing I wish to see but you.
I run my hand on
The other side of bed
The empty side,
The sheets still impressioning you.
Through watery eyes and runny nose
I hold your dupatta close.
Left behind, forgotten-on-purpose.
I take in your fragrance.
Your memories shared.
My sweeter side of life.
Only time I felt alive.
I jab the knife in my eyes.
I open my eyes to darkness.
There's nothing I wish to see but you.

JOURNEY OF A LIFETIME

I knew something unexpected was going to happen when a cat crossed my path. Damn pussy!! Its not as if I believe in superstitions but this was so like one of those days when you wake up with a strange feeling and each innocuous happening around seems as one big conspiracy against you. So much for my paranoid mind!!! I am already late. As always! And I am in a hurry walking two steps at a time desperately trying to avoid bumping into people especially the machimar bais and the gelled gay pickpockets loitering around at the station and like always there's too much of gardi.

Even before the train enters the station I can see people alighting and boarding, defying the universal law of inertia. But so is life here. A struggle against all laws -local and universal, legal and illegal. I need to act soon or I will be left stranded. I stand amongst the crowd and get pushed in without any effort of my own.

The mood inside is precipital. People stick in like maggots crowding in, holding on, hanging out. A fan blurs in above spewing out a hot torrent of air. A cacophony of voices fills in the crowded compartment as I try hard to get my bearings. Its only after a couple of stations past where more people get in reiterating the idea that space is infinite do I realise that I am actually standing on somebody's feet. But he has other things to think of for his face is being smashed between two smelly armpits. He reminds me of Shahrukh's character from his latest movie. This is the classic middle class man who leaves home in the morning listening to the tantrums of his wife and travels for hours in dingy trains suffocating himself to death, as his elder son surfs porn after smoking weed and his daughter is making plans of eloping with their call-center-employee neighbour, only to reach his workplace and be totally humiliated by his manic boss. As evening falls he makes his way back home to his dysfunctional family through the same frustrating bheed and as he lies down at bed at night, he questions his own worth in the world. This continues until he drops dead but it hardly matters. The world keeps spinning around.

Time flies to the tune of the clickety-click of the trains and I wonder where I have reached. I try hard not to give kamasutra poses but to no avail. Something hard sticks to my behind and before my mind can comprehend, the slick looking guy behind me whips out his blackberry from his front trouser pocket and holds it apologetically. Blackberry people traveling in trains too!! What has the world come to?! People lean left right and centre on me and there's this guy who keeps dripping spittle on my shirt as he sleeps nonchalantly amidst this chaos. Looking at his peacedom I hardly have the heart to wake him up. I let him dream on.

As the train chugs in at some station people gear up at the door and I get some place to breathe at the other end. And then I sight her. At the opposite station she stands, waiting for her train to arrive. I do not know who she is but she is just the sort of person I have been envisaging in my dreams each night. Clad in a bright red-orange salwar-kameez that accentuates her curves she waits, rather impatiently, with a hand at the hips. I love the way her nose crinkles as she looks at the far distance. I crane my neck to have a better view and she looks at me. For a moment our eyes meet and I feel a connection that transcends logic. Time stands still and the hullabaloo around fades away. Through her mascara eyes she radiates positivism and love which fills in each molecule of me. I feel my feet soar above the steel footboard and an aura of happiness envelops me. The train starts moving but our eyes stick to each other till the bend. Suddenly, I am not nerved by my surroundings. I feel like hugging each person around. I start hearing laughter around, which I had never noticed before. People in here, though quite stressed now seem joyous, as this journey is a part of their lives too. The physical exertion no longer tires me. The train crosses a river and a cool breeze wafts in and vivifies my senses. All of a sudden my entire outlook toward life has changed. That one moment has made me believe that there are better things in life to live for. I feel rejuvenated and refreshed and my zeal for life has doubled.

Babe, I don't care who you are but I am overtly thankful to you for making my day. Cheers!!

QUOTABLE QUOTES

"I hate to advocate drugs, alcohol, violence, or insanity to anyone, but they've always worked for me."
Hunter S. Thompson


"Never tell anyone that you're writing a book, going on a diet, exercising, taking a course, or quitting smoking. They'll encourage you to death." - Lynn Johnston

MY FIRST KISS

By the drowning sun,

As waves crash by our feet.

She leans by my shoulder

As my heart misses a beat.

I coerce my nerves to stay,

Run my hand through her hair.

I slide my face by her.

More than I could ever dare.

As our lips pucker for a kiss.

I do what most would dread.

I burp right at her face

And I shouldn't have eaten garlic bread.

I have now learned from my mistakes.

But I live with a lonely heart.

And whenever I feel 'that' urge,

I let out a silent fart.

HAPPY NEW YEAR

"To be born again," sang Gibreel Farishta tumbling from the heavens, "first you have to die. Hoji! Hoji! To land upon the bosomy earth, first one needs to fly. Tat-taa! Taka-thun! How to ever smile again, if first you won't cry? How to win the darling's love, mister, without a sigh? Baba, if you want to get born again . . ." (.........) "I tell you, you must die, I tell you, I tell you,"
-Salman Rushdie, The Satanic Verses.


It’s the last day of the year and in the early morning twilight I lazily stretch myself and look at the still shimmering stars above. No, it’s not like I am sleeping in the open. I just pasted little fluorescent star stickers on the ceiling of my room. It provides for a much-relaxed ambience. Bapu comes up to me and no, he's not the grumpy-types today for some strange reason, neither does he kick me out of bed with his 'whole day doing couch garam' patent dialogue. Instead he just sits by and reminiscences on the long year gone by. He tells me, as I hear blanket-draped mucus-eyed, about Change. There is apparently nothing permanent except change. Not even my lucky red underwear which I have been wearing since the last four years on certain special tension-walah occasions with actually, no effect. But still!! The world changes so do places, things, relationships, girlfriends(!), boyfriends(?), jobs, bosses, secretaries, moods, mobile phones...they all change. Even people. Believe me. I had more warts this year than last time. Time transcends at its even pace and the present moment slips on to the next.

And bapu leans down and almost in a whisper tells me to change as well...for the better. Now that would pose a real problem, I think!! He tells me to resolve, to pledge, to oath that in the coming year I will do so. Resolutions huh?!!

I wonder! Resolutions are meant to be broken but then in the finest tradition that has been going on since time immortal, I do have to make a list. And I am already up with one! I resolve not to bitch about anybody in the coming year. That’s too much to ask for me but then a little effort won't do me any harm. Though it means less entertainment for my drinking partners while we have our evening binge together and I'll also have to cut down on my colourful expletive vocabulary that I have so specially developed for some people. Yes, nevertheless! So even if you ask me, in the coming year, about say...Maria, I would still restrain myself because of my resolvement and probably shut my mouth off. Because since there is nothing good about her I would have nothing to speak for her. And silence is golden and more times than often, it hints exactly at what's left unspoken!! So there you are. All done! All set!!

I throw away the blanket and jump off the bed and as soon as my naked feet touch the bare ground I freeze in attention. Brrrrrrrrr...its damn cold!!!

Anyway folks, thanks for bearing me this year. Next year is going to be more nastier!! Wish you a HAPPY NEW YEAR! Party on!!

Just an afterthought: When I thought about the evils of drinking in the New Year. I gave up thinking.

EVENINGS AT MARINA

(NOTE: Subtitled: 'The white rabbit dies...'
Location: Marina beach, Chennai.)

This is a sequel to my previous post, "EVENINGS AT VIZAG", but unlike in Vizag where I had come to deal with my identity crisis, its wartime in Chennai.

As evening shows up, I dig my way out from the yellow sand where I had buried myself for the last twenty-four hours. A little trick with a plastic pipe helped me breathe and survive. Sand sticks to my beard which flows down to my belly button making it look like an upside-down anthill. I brush off the tiny homophilic crabs who were till now having a great time tickling my privates. I breathe in the salty air and almost immediately start readying myself for the battle.

My journey from the sleepy town of Vizag to this hot and humid metro of Chennai had been much tedious with me autodidatically preparing myself with sword-play and kite-flying and target shooting using the archaic form of archery which forms the crux of my encounter with the white rabbit. I should have been here enjoying a drink with tiger prawns and grilled calamari salad but so much for life to show its twisted face in the times of such global sullenness. Rage fills me and watch how I flare my internally finger-printed nostrils. I used to bemuse little non-undies wearing children and also at times lonely married fat-bellied mole-faced women with my flary nostrils but as of now I mean it only to express my furor. This purportedly act is to ensure I drive out all demons from my mind. I stand at the extreme end of my bipolarity and before my schizophrenic mind succumbs to the 'world-is-ending' illusionary reality I must take appropriate emergency measures. Even if it means going to war!! With the moon!!!!!

Chennai claims to be the land of the yellow sun. What amazes me first-on is people stand so indifferent here unlike the Vizagens. Men, bear-chested and lungi-draped revel around with women draped with real yellow-gold jewellery at the beach, the Marina- which marks itself as the longest beach in India. At times of low tide with my short-sightedness I would feel like I am in the middle of a desert! And Lo! I sight a sarder walking up towards me. Which itself is a paradoxical statement. A Sardar in the land of Madrasis!! I recollect the old joke in which a Tamilian asks a Sardar, "Tamil terema??" and the Sardar in his grunty voice replies, "Oye! Punjab tera Baap." (Here greater emphasis should be given to the P-syllable in the Baap word in order to have the desired Punjabi aftereffect).

Anyway, Midnight approaches and the people are snoring away, the tide is here and the clouds have parted to reveal the white rabbit hiding in the full moon. Time for some regal action, I would say!

The moon laughs at my nakedness. Not that I am naked in the literal sense of the term but more in my unpreparedly stance for the battle. Its true I did not carry along my Hanzo sword with me but hey hey HEY!! I have the arrows sharpened enough to pierce the toughest of all tough hearts to fight back the parasitic white rabbit in the moon. I whip my armory out in a flash and you can immediately hear a whimpering somewhere. Scared already!!! I swing it in the air and let go...it slips away and rears itself for the much-awaited blow. Watch how high it goes...up up and away! For a lunar experience as no other!!

The white rabbit controls the moon. Of all lovers delight, it wretches their life with its evil red eyes. It makes them bow down to its sorcery. And I with my bow, plan to bring it down. I let out my arrows one after another but the rabbit is not as innocent as it seems. It has tricks up its sleeve. It makes the moon wax and wane and escapes my yellow-frog poisoned darts. It makes the waves rush towards me in order to unbalance my stance but I run. On tiptoes I dance away the fury of the night. The waves crash around me but I have mastered the art of war. Of self-defence. It makes the wind blow dirty sand into my eyes to blind me but I coolly pick on my night shades and requite on. The rabbit brings the clouds in to shield itself but its armour is no match to my fury. I rip run roar into the wilderness of the dark night and all the sparkling stars lose their shimmer and die. The white rabbit picks them up and meteors them away towards me but I hunch and hide and shy away. A burning star sets afire my rusty beard and it singes down in a crackling of a sound. But my determination is unburnt. I hurl packets of wet sand into the eyes of the white rabbit to blind it. It makes the rabbits eyes grow redder with effect. It grumps with fiery delight but soon gets to defence as I strengthen my attack with full flow. The cracks begin to appear. Stains form on the surface of the moon. The rabbit is tiring. The waves have started to cease and the wind has mildewed its howl. I can feel the end is near. And finally, with one crackling shot, I pierce the white rabbit in its heart.

Silence prevails. The moon disappears. Darkness surrounds me. I can only hear the sound of the smothering waves. Fireflies lit up the sky in rejoice. The stars appear twinkling. Aquarius, Phoenix, Sagittarius, Orion, and the much-feared Scorpius. I am victorious. I drop back and fall on the soft sand. I let the glory slowly sink into me as the frothy tired waves come and kiss my feet. They worship me and bring me gifts from the deep sea. Starfish crawl on my belly and bivalves and clams envelop my exposed soul. Sea dogs (which are to mean stray dogs that live near the beach) crowd me and howl at the moonless night. Those tiny homophilic crabs are back doing what they do best. But do I look as if I mind?! I feel blessed and calmness overcomes me.

The journey to the Dark side of the Moon was started by a single step in an unwelcoming direction. But I have laid down my demons and fought with all my heart to come out triumphant in all respects. I harbour on with the knowledge that the moon will be back with its innocent shine and the white rabbit will just be a shadowy figurine as a dark reminder that good prevails over evil.

Maria who is shit scared does not grunt about any photo-shotos this time.

The third and final part of this trilogy will be posted soon.