HO IS HO

I ask Akshan Amin about his ex-girl friend and he pulls his head back and laughs sarcastically santa-like, "HO HO HO HO..."

Point taken.

REDEMPTION POINT

Marald Grumpus never held a grudge against anyone until his wife Dugaya and aptly named daughter, Angelus died in an unfortunate car accident.
Since then Marald fears for other people's lives. He fears he will kill the first person he sets his sights on and the second and the third...Everyone of them. He sharpens his knife and practises each day. He feels this irrestible twitching urge inside to relieve himself of his misery.
For now, he has locked himself away from everybody with just an old bottle of rum for company completely cut off from the world. He lives life without hope, desire and a willingness to fight back which makes him count from the most desperatly frustrated creatures on our planet. He knows, yet feigns ignorance because it is an easier option to allay his fears and camoflage his dying spirit. This hatred will one day only engulf and destruct him as he tries to get even with the world.
He is a living ticking bomb...ticktockticktock...ticking toward a final devastating explosion.

May he find peace in death's soothing arms...

A BROKEN HEART

I gather broken
pieces of my heart.
Love's the adhesive,
glues what shattered apart.
I remember
memories I still cart.
From the time we met
till when you did depart.
Time we moved on
for a fresh new start.
I gather broken
pieces of my heart.

I KNOW NOT

I know not
what my heart wants.
I know not
what it seeks.
I know not
where to I am bound.

I feel no joy
on the good things,
nor sorrow when
bad things strike.
Though sometimes
it’s the other way round.

NO QUESTIONS ASKED!!

What it takes to be free,
Is all i ever wish to be.
To eat. To sleep.
To walk.To run.
To speak.To think.
To play.To drink.
To win.To lose.
To party.To treat.
To splurge.To save.
To order.To submit.
To beg.To please.
To smile.To weep.
To shout.To quiet.
To fuck.To caress.
To cajole.To strike.
To hit.To bleed.
To fall.To rise.
To cheat.To beat.
To dance.To fly.
To ignore.To heed.
To stay. To leave.
To dress. To strip.
To conserve.To waste.
To fight.To kill.
To yes. To no.
To love.To hate.
To live.To die.
Nobody to ask me why.

vendetta

Do not corrupt me.
Do not off load my brains.
For i will stab you
till blood from your body out-drains.

TILL THE END OF TIME

Time has stood still,
the day we parted.
I rue the day
it all started.
I end up in tears
as thoughts run across.
Nobody but me
I blame for the loss.
I know now you
can never be mine.
I shall love you still,
till the end of time.

THE PAIN

There's something in your smile.
It makes my pain subside.
But then your eyes speak out.
You are never gonna be mine.
The pain again kicks in alive. 

INDIA VICTORIOUS

Loga bole, people said before the world cup began...

Australia...they r unbeatable. world champs.

Na re...it will be South Africa...they are fierce like lions in their own den.

Arey baba...think practically...England for sure...they have played more 20-20 then anyone else.

you nuts kya...Sri Lanka can emerge tops. Don't forget 1996.

What you talking man…new Zealand is filled with 20-20 professionals.

Don’t sideline west-Indies yara.

What about Pakistan?? (to which the poor lad is booed down)

Nobody thought we could even reach the finals. We have proved our might.

I walk with my head held high. I am an Indian and I am gonna rule the world.

FRIENDS

>I smile through sorrow.

>I pride on life.

>Everything that does matter.

>With friends each moment

>is the best. The next

>is simply better.

IN SEARCH OF LOVE

Love is what I seek
though my chances appear bleak.
I run from girl to girl,
on them I myself hurl.
I waste no time to flirt
with anyone in a skirt.
All has been tried and said.
I hav'nt even spared my maid.

Too bad...Shantabai
whacked one between my legs.

NO LOOKING BACK

Amey stares right through Rahul and me and before we can apprehend what is actually going on he leans towards us and says in a hushed up voice, "listen guys whatever you do don't look back...that guy behind you has got his whole thumb inside his nose." We do the obvious...we look back...
There have been times as well...when we were little kids and we used to be shit-scared of ghost rumors being spread all around. From the teen-mundi devi to the trinklets-wearing chan-chan-chan night walker, but none has been more dead-front than the safed-sari-wali-chudail who used to sneak up on you when you were walking alone in some soomsam rasta lost in your own thoughts and the moment you would turn your head back would just cut it off... Lesson learnt:No looking back!!
Also memories of times when you could officially blame your bad luck for getting your exam seat number on the first bench when in fact it was the toughest exam of the semester. A little luck would have helped a ton. Specially more when the investigator is the same guy whose classes you all bunked and he's on his toes to get back to you...you try and concentrate trying to think of some answers you would never dream of and then you try to take help from your colleague and are rapped on the head..."no looking back", he says in the sternest voice he can manage from his throat.
Those were the times...and now finally having secured a dream job with a great salary and an even wonderful boss and being amidst real friends who care and finding love as true as can I can only pinch myself to make sure I'm not dreaming...
Having lived a nightmarish life for four years of my life craving for the good things I can only take this success as a reward for my perseverance(read wickedness). Sometimes I do feel stupid for the stupid things I had all done earlier (stupid is as stupid does) and my sky-is-falling syndrome seems such a shame for me now. But right now I know, its as simple as that and am enlightened and it dint even take me to quit living. I am so happy I pat myself on the back and rub my hands in glee and gel my hair and look in the mirror and smile at myself and say truly now there is only one way I will go on and there is absolutely no looking back!!!

PHUCK DE...

people can get so selflessly selfish these days...(ghore kalyug my daadi says).
well for the fact that am blogging (yes am still alive and still the pest you think me for!!) after a period of over a month just shows how busy i have lately been. cant help it actually with too much peer pressure on me to reach my determined goal (wana pile on at least a 20kgs, so far managed 6). and then am like always so very prone to lethargy that being home after so long a period i have just let go...

so it happened that one fine day, yesterday actually i was sprawled on my favorite couch glued to the television lapping out even on the adverts i had missed all these years when suddenly by some freak bad luck (panvati says daadi) the remote slipped out of my hands and (in slow-mo) fell down on the floor one bounce two bounce three. nothing broken by the sight of it but still...stopped working. well! well! well!! yes it is a tragedy for me of epic proportions. for someone a bugger as bugged up like me who has completely lost the ability to fend for his ownself it does seem like the world has just come to an end (the bitch still lives though...hehe). repeated thumps on the floor dint do any good to get the remote started. neither did flipping it over, changing the batteries, trying to press the buttons harder work in any way.
and then came bapu...
i tried explaining how being a mechanical engineer i can only work screwing things up(pun unintended) but then like an old purana atkahua radio it began... "like donkey-vonkey you sit on your bum n watch tv. do some work. look at... look at... dont you have no shame-vame...blah blah blah"
bapu's rantings in the form of sound waves enter my left ear (since he's standing to my left) and with almost no obstruction (understandably so) leaves out of my right. it goes on for a few minutes and then silence like the night falls...
i like a dejected lover walk out to feel some fresh air and then i meet say who ?? my very old school-chum paresh. yep paresh...umm...forgot his last name but it hardly matters. paresh my gujju friend who has the habit of pronouncing the dreaded F-word as phuck (and hence the title) and who stole money from his father's payjamas and treated us to cane juice and dabelis and spicy roadsidewallah chats and whose mother had an affair with the neighbour and was caught cootchi-cooing at five gardens but hush-hush lets keep that a secret for now.
our meeting was not so much of excitement for it seemed more of a happy-sad moment...happy for the fact we were meeting after so long and sad because...well read on...

seated in the irani over a snack of bhurji-pav (like all true-blue gujrathis, paresh relishes eggs and chicken) paresh tells me how phucked-up his life has recently been... his girlfriend dumped him quite recently (methinks he must have called her shilpaben) and he lost his wallet while travelling in the train which contained his credit cards, atm, cash and four passes for the grand navratri dandiya night held at phatak maidan. tough luck!! more still his father has ordered him to forget his mba dreams and sit and run the family kapda-nu-dukan, which he says has seriously affected his career plans (though i doubt if he had any).
thus having completed his tragic tale in perfect timing with his burji-pav he looks sympathetically towards...himself at the mirror placed behind me and asks me how phucked-up my life is.

(daadi says people seek solace in each others misery. the greater the other persons misery the greater the relief for the feeling is always of....thank god it wasnt me!!)
i so very dumb-struck in my own material thoughts (nicole kidman is beautiful!!) mutter out "well yara life's hell, my tv remote down it fell, in sadness i dwell."
to which he gives the only possible reaction...phuck you!!! probably expecting more disastrous situations in my life against his so that he can heave a sigh of relief on the grounds of comparision. its good in one way that there wasnt any slow-mo (there's the word again) reaction-veaction as like his eyes gorging out and his face twisting into weird shapes before he cries out. instead just the word and off he storms as if that was an excuse for him to kaltify leaving me to fend for my ownself and a bill to pay. strange are the people around here and stranger still is the person sitting across me on the other side for i got no idea who he is(hehe)!!!!! still for me life bahu-saru che!!!!


i know its terrible-werrible but i am just so glad i somehow managed to post an article after such a long long time...i know you missed me and for that i will pardon you for whatever comments you gonna post on this one!!!!!!

TBSL....

Tears well up in her eyes
as she watches me leave.
Anger biles up a lump in my throat.

With a heavy heart
I walk away...
I hate her for loving me
more than I can cope.



from THE BITCH STILL LIVES...- My soon-to-be-completed novel!!

TESTIMONIAL

I read, re-read
What you gotta say.
My eyes zoom in
Till it blurs.
I scratch my head
And find me say,
Why din't I think
Of it earlier?

SOMEPLACE ELSE

he looks at her
while she looks someplace else.
she looks at him
while he looks someplace else.
their eyes meet for a second
and they look at each other.
both secretly wish
they were someplace else.

ADIOS

She bids farewell,
quite unceremoniously.
Watch her disappear
right till the bend.
She doesnt turn back,
something i dont expect.
Life is not a movie,
ave come to terms with it.

No tear drops on my cheeks.
No guilt in my heart.
Just the notion of
her existence will remain
till blood flows thru' veins.
Not even time can erase.

There's still words to be said,
feelings to be expressed.
But ave learnt in life,
its best sometimes to let go.

LOVE ITSELF

our college boys' hostel is under renovation. so is the infamous room no320 on the top floor. reportedly someone had committed suicide some nine years back in that room. it had remained locked, unoccupied over these years. rumour has it that he died because he failed in love.

i visited the room today morning. though the walls have been freshly painted, i can still smell the grimness in the air around. an eiree silence suspends in the room admist the chaos of the hostel. you can feel the depth of his pain suffered. i wonder how it would feel in the darkness of the night.

i pity his deceased soul. if only he had understood what love really is, he would never have killed himself. love is undying unfailing unblemishable. love is a triumph in itself.


love is the antidote
for love itself.
where one fails
love itself
will square it up.
where love as such
that never ends,
life is a celebration
of love, in love itself.

A MIRACLE CALLED LIFE

02:45, May 07.
I have been eyeing the syringe since the last three hours. I have finally decided to take the big step –to liberate myself from my evil mind that has me possessed, it’s been years. Ironical it seems, I write poems about love, life, and hope when in reality I am in such despair; A smile on my lips when my heart is heavy with grief.

I had used the syringe once to inject acid but today I was going to inject a drug so powerful it would take me to another world…literally. A thought crossed my mind. The syringe could be infected, unsafe…but what difference was it gonna make now!! I closed my eyes for a few minutes to concentrate and avoid hearing to my inner voice which was still goading me with hope.

I filled the syringe with air with great meticulous care. (!!!) I was about to inject when somebody knocked at the door. I checked myself. Who could it be at this hour? I never had anyone when I needed someone the most. Why today of all days would this miracle occur? I use the word miracle because that is when I realized I still hadn’t stopped believing in them even when I had lost out on hope. Curiosity got the better of me and I opened the door.

Nobody was there.

A chill breeze was blowing which seduced me back to my senses. The air in the syringe would have passed through my veins and stopped my heart. The same air blew through the empty lanes and comforted me. Life was in all a matter of choice, of perception, of hope and belief in thy immortal self.

14:40, May 09.
I dint do it and I have never felt more alive. My mind is as clear as a child’s innocence. A miracle saved me. A miracle called life. It’s been only a few hours since and I feel I already am addicted.

THE OTHER SIDE

messed up big time,
i stand on the road.
it leads to Nowhere.
the jarred edges
of life close in,
cut into my flesh.
the obscurity
of things done
stares down my face,
chokes me to death.
the only way to survive
seems to seep through
and come out Alive,
the other side of life.
the brighter side.
where i deserve to be.