HO IS HO

I ask Akshan Amin about his ex-girl friend and he pulls his head back and laughs sarcastically santa-like, "HO HO HO HO..."

Point taken.

REDEMPTION POINT

Marald Grumpus never held a grudge against anyone until his wife Dugaya and aptly named daughter, Angelus died in an unfortunate car accident.
Since then Marald fears for other people's lives. He fears he will kill the first person he sets his sights on and the second and the third...Everyone of them. He sharpens his knife and practises each day. He feels this irrestible twitching urge inside to relieve himself of his misery.
For now, he has locked himself away from everybody with just an old bottle of rum for company completely cut off from the world. He lives life without hope, desire and a willingness to fight back which makes him count from the most desperatly frustrated creatures on our planet. He knows, yet feigns ignorance because it is an easier option to allay his fears and camoflage his dying spirit. This hatred will one day only engulf and destruct him as he tries to get even with the world.
He is a living ticking bomb...ticktockticktock...ticking toward a final devastating explosion.

May he find peace in death's soothing arms...

A BROKEN HEART

I gather broken
pieces of my heart.
Love's the adhesive,
glues what shattered apart.
I remember
memories I still cart.
From the time we met
till when you did depart.
Time we moved on
for a fresh new start.
I gather broken
pieces of my heart.

I KNOW NOT

I know not
what my heart wants.
I know not
what it seeks.
I know not
where to I am bound.

I feel no joy
on the good things,
nor sorrow when
bad things strike.
Though sometimes
it’s the other way round.

NO QUESTIONS ASKED!!

What it takes to be free,
Is all i ever wish to be.
To eat. To sleep.
To walk.To run.
To speak.To think.
To play.To drink.
To win.To lose.
To party.To treat.
To splurge.To save.
To order.To submit.
To beg.To please.
To smile.To weep.
To shout.To quiet.
To fuck.To caress.
To cajole.To strike.
To hit.To bleed.
To fall.To rise.
To cheat.To beat.
To dance.To fly.
To ignore.To heed.
To stay. To leave.
To dress. To strip.
To conserve.To waste.
To fight.To kill.
To yes. To no.
To love.To hate.
To live.To die.
Nobody to ask me why.

vendetta

Do not corrupt me.
Do not off load my brains.
For i will stab you
till blood from your body out-drains.

TILL THE END OF TIME

Time has stood still,
the day we parted.
I rue the day
it all started.
I end up in tears
as thoughts run across.
Nobody but me
I blame for the loss.
I know now you
can never be mine.
I shall love you still,
till the end of time.

THE PAIN

There's something in your smile.
It makes my pain subside.
But then your eyes speak out.
You are never gonna be mine.
The pain again kicks in alive. 

INDIA VICTORIOUS

Loga bole, people said before the world cup began...

Australia...they r unbeatable. world champs.

Na re...it will be South Africa...they are fierce like lions in their own den.

Arey baba...think practically...England for sure...they have played more 20-20 then anyone else.

you nuts kya...Sri Lanka can emerge tops. Don't forget 1996.

What you talking man…new Zealand is filled with 20-20 professionals.

Don’t sideline west-Indies yara.

What about Pakistan?? (to which the poor lad is booed down)

Nobody thought we could even reach the finals. We have proved our might.

I walk with my head held high. I am an Indian and I am gonna rule the world.

FRIENDS

>I smile through sorrow.

>I pride on life.

>Everything that does matter.

>With friends each moment

>is the best. The next

>is simply better.

IN SEARCH OF LOVE

Love is what I seek
though my chances appear bleak.
I run from girl to girl,
on them I myself hurl.
I waste no time to flirt
with anyone in a skirt.
All has been tried and said.
I hav'nt even spared my maid.

Too bad...Shantabai
whacked one between my legs.

NO LOOKING BACK

Amey stares right through Rahul and me and before we can apprehend what is actually going on he leans towards us and says in a hushed up voice, "listen guys whatever you do don't look back...that guy behind you has got his whole thumb inside his nose." We do the obvious...we look back...
There have been times as well...when we were little kids and we used to be shit-scared of ghost rumors being spread all around. From the teen-mundi devi to the trinklets-wearing chan-chan-chan night walker, but none has been more dead-front than the safed-sari-wali-chudail who used to sneak up on you when you were walking alone in some soomsam rasta lost in your own thoughts and the moment you would turn your head back would just cut it off... Lesson learnt:No looking back!!
Also memories of times when you could officially blame your bad luck for getting your exam seat number on the first bench when in fact it was the toughest exam of the semester. A little luck would have helped a ton. Specially more when the investigator is the same guy whose classes you all bunked and he's on his toes to get back to you...you try and concentrate trying to think of some answers you would never dream of and then you try to take help from your colleague and are rapped on the head..."no looking back", he says in the sternest voice he can manage from his throat.
Those were the times...and now finally having secured a dream job with a great salary and an even wonderful boss and being amidst real friends who care and finding love as true as can I can only pinch myself to make sure I'm not dreaming...
Having lived a nightmarish life for four years of my life craving for the good things I can only take this success as a reward for my perseverance(read wickedness). Sometimes I do feel stupid for the stupid things I had all done earlier (stupid is as stupid does) and my sky-is-falling syndrome seems such a shame for me now. But right now I know, its as simple as that and am enlightened and it dint even take me to quit living. I am so happy I pat myself on the back and rub my hands in glee and gel my hair and look in the mirror and smile at myself and say truly now there is only one way I will go on and there is absolutely no looking back!!!

PHUCK DE...

people can get so selflessly selfish these days...(ghore kalyug my daadi says).
well for the fact that am blogging (yes am still alive and still the pest you think me for!!) after a period of over a month just shows how busy i have lately been. cant help it actually with too much peer pressure on me to reach my determined goal (wana pile on at least a 20kgs, so far managed 6). and then am like always so very prone to lethargy that being home after so long a period i have just let go...

so it happened that one fine day, yesterday actually i was sprawled on my favorite couch glued to the television lapping out even on the adverts i had missed all these years when suddenly by some freak bad luck (panvati says daadi) the remote slipped out of my hands and (in slow-mo) fell down on the floor one bounce two bounce three. nothing broken by the sight of it but still...stopped working. well! well! well!! yes it is a tragedy for me of epic proportions. for someone a bugger as bugged up like me who has completely lost the ability to fend for his ownself it does seem like the world has just come to an end (the bitch still lives though...hehe). repeated thumps on the floor dint do any good to get the remote started. neither did flipping it over, changing the batteries, trying to press the buttons harder work in any way.
and then came bapu...
i tried explaining how being a mechanical engineer i can only work screwing things up(pun unintended) but then like an old purana atkahua radio it began... "like donkey-vonkey you sit on your bum n watch tv. do some work. look at... look at... dont you have no shame-vame...blah blah blah"
bapu's rantings in the form of sound waves enter my left ear (since he's standing to my left) and with almost no obstruction (understandably so) leaves out of my right. it goes on for a few minutes and then silence like the night falls...
i like a dejected lover walk out to feel some fresh air and then i meet say who ?? my very old school-chum paresh. yep paresh...umm...forgot his last name but it hardly matters. paresh my gujju friend who has the habit of pronouncing the dreaded F-word as phuck (and hence the title) and who stole money from his father's payjamas and treated us to cane juice and dabelis and spicy roadsidewallah chats and whose mother had an affair with the neighbour and was caught cootchi-cooing at five gardens but hush-hush lets keep that a secret for now.
our meeting was not so much of excitement for it seemed more of a happy-sad moment...happy for the fact we were meeting after so long and sad because...well read on...

seated in the irani over a snack of bhurji-pav (like all true-blue gujrathis, paresh relishes eggs and chicken) paresh tells me how phucked-up his life has recently been... his girlfriend dumped him quite recently (methinks he must have called her shilpaben) and he lost his wallet while travelling in the train which contained his credit cards, atm, cash and four passes for the grand navratri dandiya night held at phatak maidan. tough luck!! more still his father has ordered him to forget his mba dreams and sit and run the family kapda-nu-dukan, which he says has seriously affected his career plans (though i doubt if he had any).
thus having completed his tragic tale in perfect timing with his burji-pav he looks sympathetically towards...himself at the mirror placed behind me and asks me how phucked-up my life is.

(daadi says people seek solace in each others misery. the greater the other persons misery the greater the relief for the feeling is always of....thank god it wasnt me!!)
i so very dumb-struck in my own material thoughts (nicole kidman is beautiful!!) mutter out "well yara life's hell, my tv remote down it fell, in sadness i dwell."
to which he gives the only possible reaction...phuck you!!! probably expecting more disastrous situations in my life against his so that he can heave a sigh of relief on the grounds of comparision. its good in one way that there wasnt any slow-mo (there's the word again) reaction-veaction as like his eyes gorging out and his face twisting into weird shapes before he cries out. instead just the word and off he storms as if that was an excuse for him to kaltify leaving me to fend for my ownself and a bill to pay. strange are the people around here and stranger still is the person sitting across me on the other side for i got no idea who he is(hehe)!!!!! still for me life bahu-saru che!!!!


i know its terrible-werrible but i am just so glad i somehow managed to post an article after such a long long time...i know you missed me and for that i will pardon you for whatever comments you gonna post on this one!!!!!!

TBSL....

Tears well up in her eyes
as she watches me leave.
Anger biles up a lump in my throat.

With a heavy heart
I walk away...
I hate her for loving me
more than I can cope.



from THE BITCH STILL LIVES...- My soon-to-be-completed novel!!

TESTIMONIAL

I read, re-read
What you gotta say.
My eyes zoom in
Till it blurs.
I scratch my head
And find me say,
Why din't I think
Of it earlier?

SOMEPLACE ELSE

he looks at her
while she looks someplace else.
she looks at him
while he looks someplace else.
their eyes meet for a second
and they look at each other.
both secretly wish
they were someplace else.

ADIOS

She bids farewell,
quite unceremoniously.
Watch her disappear
right till the bend.
She doesnt turn back,
something i dont expect.
Life is not a movie,
ave come to terms with it.

No tear drops on my cheeks.
No guilt in my heart.
Just the notion of
her existence will remain
till blood flows thru' veins.
Not even time can erase.

There's still words to be said,
feelings to be expressed.
But ave learnt in life,
its best sometimes to let go.

LOVE ITSELF

our college boys' hostel is under renovation. so is the infamous room no320 on the top floor. reportedly someone had committed suicide some nine years back in that room. it had remained locked, unoccupied over these years. rumour has it that he died because he failed in love.

i visited the room today morning. though the walls have been freshly painted, i can still smell the grimness in the air around. an eiree silence suspends in the room admist the chaos of the hostel. you can feel the depth of his pain suffered. i wonder how it would feel in the darkness of the night.

i pity his deceased soul. if only he had understood what love really is, he would never have killed himself. love is undying unfailing unblemishable. love is a triumph in itself.


love is the antidote
for love itself.
where one fails
love itself
will square it up.
where love as such
that never ends,
life is a celebration
of love, in love itself.

A MIRACLE CALLED LIFE

02:45, May 07.
I have been eyeing the syringe since the last three hours. I have finally decided to take the big step –to liberate myself from my evil mind that has me possessed, it’s been years. Ironical it seems, I write poems about love, life, and hope when in reality I am in such despair; A smile on my lips when my heart is heavy with grief.

I had used the syringe once to inject acid but today I was going to inject a drug so powerful it would take me to another world…literally. A thought crossed my mind. The syringe could be infected, unsafe…but what difference was it gonna make now!! I closed my eyes for a few minutes to concentrate and avoid hearing to my inner voice which was still goading me with hope.

I filled the syringe with air with great meticulous care. (!!!) I was about to inject when somebody knocked at the door. I checked myself. Who could it be at this hour? I never had anyone when I needed someone the most. Why today of all days would this miracle occur? I use the word miracle because that is when I realized I still hadn’t stopped believing in them even when I had lost out on hope. Curiosity got the better of me and I opened the door.

Nobody was there.

A chill breeze was blowing which seduced me back to my senses. The air in the syringe would have passed through my veins and stopped my heart. The same air blew through the empty lanes and comforted me. Life was in all a matter of choice, of perception, of hope and belief in thy immortal self.

14:40, May 09.
I dint do it and I have never felt more alive. My mind is as clear as a child’s innocence. A miracle saved me. A miracle called life. It’s been only a few hours since and I feel I already am addicted.

THE OTHER SIDE

messed up big time,
i stand on the road.
it leads to Nowhere.
the jarred edges
of life close in,
cut into my flesh.
the obscurity
of things done
stares down my face,
chokes me to death.
the only way to survive
seems to seep through
and come out Alive,
the other side of life.
the brighter side.
where i deserve to be.

MOTHER EARTH NEEDS UR ATTENTION

i sit down at the shallow end of the swimming pool and let the cool water refreshen me. its been over an hour but i just don't feel like getting out. its like being inside an oven out there.

global warming is increasing at alarming levels. water and energy sources are depleting. pollution has enveloped our earth. the best time to save our planet was 30 years back. the second best time is now!

please visit this website for more information:

http://doc.for.earth.googlepages.com

you can make a great deal of difference. join in to help make this world a better place to live in.

MY BETTER-HALF

my gift is my soul.
thats the least can partake.
a life spent with you
is more than i bargained.

my heart spills love,
surges each day.
your smile feels warm.
drives my blues away.

this journey of life seems
as wondrous as can be.
with you by my side,
it truly completes me.

RAINY-BLUES

i keep walking through the lonely road. its the first showers of the season. i am soaked to the bone yet care less. the rain helps blend my tears.

they say when it first rains you should be with the person you love. well doesnt the idea of you cuddling up with your love on a chilly rainy evening sound overtly romantic? bet it does! i hug myself to cheer me up a bit and keep trudging forward to nowhere. but it only starts to rain harder as if even the Gods up there wana mock me.

well i have had enough! is it a sin to love? so what if things couldn't work out fine between me and her. the memories of times we shared are by far the most memorable in my life and will probably last a lifetime. i wipe off my tears. it still keeps puring down but now it wont be able to drown my spirit or wash away my reminiscence or engulf my heart. for my heart will keep on beating to the tunes of love.

whoever said it has said it so true, "its better to have loved and lost than not to have ever loved at all."

ding***

dawn to dusk
i keep thinking of you.
rest of the time
i sleep, and
dream of better things.

QUOTE OF THE DAY

"if only somehow you could have been mine,
what would not have been possible in this world?"

-------AGHA SHAHID ALI in THE COUNTRY WITHOUT A POST OFFICE.

TEN THINGS PEOPLE DINT KNOW ABOUT ME!

1: can touch my nose and chin with my tongue.
2: personal record for non-stop sleep is 22hours. am nocturnal.
3: i hate people.
4: eight of my closest friends do not exist.
5: i have extreme mood swings.
6: zero emotional quotient and social interest.
7: trying desperately to quit smoking.
8: i get thrills from burning myself though i dread slitting my wrists.
9: i secretly relish raw meat.
10: i have a shoe fetish.

NIKKY

yesterday was wonderful. nikita hempton dropped in to see me. all because i had remembered her pearls of wisdom and had posted them in my earlier column. "so sweet", were her first words when we met.

we had fallen apart all these years. rarely met and when it happened all we did was grudge about the weather. earlier i had lusted for her and she had lusted for me but there never had been any soul-to-soul connection which is so necessary for someone in love.

over dinner she told me how much she missed the good old bad times we shared. i could only stare in her eyes in return. it had been so long i had seen that twinkle in her eye-the sign of a genuine feeling that you have for somebody. and yesterday i was just so glad...i could see that twinkle again.

well nikky, you have always deserved that special place in my heart.

THE BITCH STILL LIVES...

am writing a novel-trying trying trying.
THE BITCH STILL LIVES...nothing bitchy about it except the title.
it's supposedly a love story. though far from reality, borders around insanity but keeps me alive so i write. i gotta see how good i can get.

started writing months back in longhand and realised a few pages later my thoughts move faster than i can write. decided against and started typing on a friends computer. a couple of chapters done and he format the comp. lost all data. cant blame him though. people may try to kill me after they go through the full story.

i don't own a computer. got one at home but am hardly at home. bapu said "get awwal number and will gift ya one!" well eating mess food is much easier.

started from scratch again, typing my time out on my ex-roommates brand new laptop. this time got halfway through when his laptop got stolen. like the magician's rabbits that disappear without trace. i wept yelled prayed. was more concerned about my work than my friends misfortune. but then ave become bereft of all emotions now. my heart is hollow and not even love can complete me. i console myself, praise myself, motivate myself. grown accustomed to solitude. people around have started developing a fetish for the good things in life and i sadly, don't figure in their scheme of things.

but thats not the point why am writing this. Sana Lakotia-the protagonist in my story, i wont let her die. i will start anew again and again and again until i have things just as i have wanted, as i dreamt....for i believe in life...following your dreams, failures notwithstanding, is more important than moolah, sex and vodka put together.

THINGS PEOPLE DO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Q>WHAT DO PEOPLE DO WHEN THEY GO NUTS??
A> THEY MAKE FUNNY FACES!!


MEET ALI KHAN, FINAL YR MECHANICAL STUDENT...
POSTED WITH PERMISSION



















FEEL FREE TO POST COMMENTS. IF THERE ARE GOOD RESPONSES ALI PROMISES FOR FUNNY FACES PART TWO!

LIFE MOVES ON...

in the realms of the solitudes,
the moon as it shines a silvery grey,
i await, even as life moves on
perverse to my wishes.
this heart keeps crying away
in the primal fear of fickleness.
it needs love to savour life
and most seminal of all, understanding.
choices have been many,
all these years and
so has destiny played its part.
but now regrets are none.
i have walked miles the trodden path.
and as life sings a raucous song,
i hope, against all hope,
in accordance with the
radiance of the camp-fire,
of a clearer vision and a pledge
to move on impervious to fate,
so on with vimful zest.

THE PROPOSAL

between
picking teeth
and digging nose
he speaks,

"i sleep
i eat
i drink.
rest of the time i think.
please do make my life.
be my lovely wife."

i listen, intently,
but refuse to shake hands.

NIKITA HEMPTON

Nikita Hempton-long time friend-has an unparalleled talent of bewitching people. A tiny twitch of her lips is enough to ignite strange fires in the hearts of men. Nikky lost half of her front tooth in a biking accident when she was sixteen. Still she smiles and gives me this piece of advice.

"I was at one time completely obsessed with love but after a series of unfortunate events and severe heart-breaks 'ave come to realise that true love does not exist and if it does its only in the imagination of people.
"Love as such that people speak of, seems good enough only when you write a poem or read a tale concluding with '...happily ever after' or see a movie with romantic themes and go red with jealously.
"Love was not made for me but i love,stripped now of all expectations and feel joy even when not reciprocated. I have come a long way to this realisation and if you ask me if you should venture forth with this journey... I would say yes you should because its damn worth every second of it.
" Love is like a pot of gold at the end of the rainbow. People know it doesnt exist but they still so wanna believe in it. Whoever seeks with a heart devoid of any malice will be blessed with satisfaction and merriment that cannot be expressed in words. "

I kiss her on the lips. I couldnt agree more.

CONFESSIONS

i have lived life the hard way. anything that can go wrong will always go wrong and so has it happened in my life. but there's a good thing i have learnt. ( an eternal optimist that i remain!!) i have been left with a few people in my life who have stood by me in times good and bad and now i feel obliged to thank them in the only way i could dare. though the idea may seem copied, the feelings from the bottom of my heart ring true and confer no further explanation or proof.

thank you lots...

ROHIT 'tatya' PHUTANE for being what you are and still winning your way out. if a perfect friend is to be defined in one word it should be you.

RAHUL MISTRY- the dude, who always believes i can ....and for standing by me at all times. you rock in more ways than one.

HARSHAD 'bhai-gale-me-tie' JAIN for showing me a friend can care,share and make you laugh at the same time. for all the pranks we played....we make a great team.

AKSHITA SHAH for making me wanna be a better me.

DEEPTI RAO for pushing me always into unknown territory and backing me up so that i emerge victorious.

SANA LAKOTIA for making me believe in love.

NAKUL HULSWAR-my Mona darling, for having the most purest of all hearts in the whole world.

DILIP '$%#@^&*' BALU for showcasing exemplary courage, support and forgiveness and fighting for me against all odds.

NIKITA 'nikky' HEMPTON for living her life and letting me live mine.

ADITI CHAUHAN-the great, for letting me know that the world will keep spinning around no matter what. i loathe to detest you.

NICOLE KIDMAN-the perfect portrait of an angel as i see her, for being my lady-luck.

my grandmother for being the coolest daadi in the world.

and finally my parents. i would have been an atheist but for them.

KEEP THAT GRIN ON!!!

Life can be seriously funny but there are many of us who fail to take in the humour. They are so besotted with the eccentricities of life that they do not take into account the small but precious things of life and live (drag their life) with a huge burden on their heads worrying about everything. This is where they really fail. Shit happens…to everybody. You are not the only one who is singled out for one of life’s more peculiar tragedies. It’s normal and that’s how life goes with its ups and downs.
Still people will go on making their lives complicated. They will fret and fume and cry out loud. They will frustrate themselves and end up frustrating people around as if it’s gonna make any difference, as if its gonna help solve problems. Well if that were to be the case then I would have been a winner by now in everything I have done. My close friends know about that episodic eight month chapter of my life when I had given up all hope. I still don’t know how I survived but now when I think of it, it only makes me laugh. I wonder if it was worth all that trouble. Nope it wasn’t. That experience has enlightened me, helped put a smile on my face forever.
It takes guts to laugh at our own self. It separates the men from the boys. It helps ease out that grim air around and makes things comfortable. For life is not only about surviving and winning the long race, its about savoring each moment that comes by. As for the troubles it will pass away and there will always another chance. So be happy and smile and let the world wonder what’s on your mind. Ask Simba-the lion and he will roar, “Hakuna matata” – don’t worry be happy.
Here is a yoke…sorry joke I heard not long ago. A chicken asked an egg how it would like to have its life. The egg retorted, “funny-side up!!”

IN YOUR EYES(POEM)

Most expressive of all,
Silence- the true pure
Language of the soul.
Conveys me every time
How much you love me.
Beneath the glassy surface,
I can read, of what,
Your heart has to say.
But why today do I see
a sparkle so unfamiliar.
Someone else in your eyes.
Have I wronged somewhere?
Or is it just a bad notion.
I put on dark glares.
Let my fears be within.
Unnoticed to your eyes.
My love for you
Shall forever remain,
Faithful, virginal, implicit,
Right till the very end.

HaHa

HaHaHaHaHaHa
HaHaHaHaHaHa
HaHaHaHaHaHa
HaHaHaHaHaHa
HaHaHaHaHaHa
HaHaHaHaHaHa




I LAUGH AT ALL THOSE WHO MOCK ME...

cuz as NIELS BOHR put it, "some things in life are so serious you have to laugh at them."

TO AND FRO(POEM)

i walk to and fro
and back fro and to.
i still cant think
what am supposed to do.
i keep singing that
same old stupid song.
brings back the memories
i so much long.
the very dilemma of
to love or hate,
has been the subject
of great debate.
i wonder if ever
i'l have any clue.
i keep walking to and fro
and back fro and to

THERE'S ALWAYS ANOTHER CHANCE (POEM)

when doors are slammed shut
and hell begone without keys,
through windows and trapdoors
there's a chance waitin free.
no matter how much the heat.
toughie as it ever seems.
onward through shall move.
water flowing into streams.
with a notion so unique.
plenty to surrender as bait.
there's always another chance.
if not shall one create.

TO DIE FOR (POEM)

my life lies indebted
with love and sacrifices,
of purity, furthest from sanity.
la my friend shows
what love truly is
and the honour of having
her up so close
with multitudes
and still constant
speaks with words
that cannot be expressed.
cuz love as such
only a lucky few experience.
ma yara ve!! glory and roses!!
grateful am i,
helps me find out
the secrets of life within life
and blessed feel i,
lord forgive,
she showers love more
than you can ever preach.

NOT YOU (POEM)

not everything i do
i do it for you.
not every time i think
i keep thinking of you.
loved ones do deserve
a tad much more.
sadly enough, you
are not one of those folks.

I THINK WHAT YoU THINK!! (ARTICLE)

i entered the cafe and i saw her. god!! she is so beautiful, i could spot her in a crowd. i smile at her and she smiles back. her smile is one of those more simpler formal smiles; the corners of the mouth turn upwards and droop down almost as immediately.
i wonder what she must be thinking?? am puzzled, whats on her mind??!!
i decide to use my powers(mind you though i forgot my cape and chaddis at home, i still can work it on.)
i concentrate and enter her mind. its a mess. there are thoughts scrambled into each other like:

1) she thinks the waiter is cute and would be better if he served without his shirt on.(???)
2) she's not shaven her patch since two weeks and it has begun to itch. (yuck!)
3) is her hair done properly? ( it's great1)
4) her best friend is such a bore. ( intresting!!)
5) is that his cell or something else in his pants (hmmmm!!)
6) why is rajiv seeing reema when am around?( ahan!!!)
7) blah blah blah blah ...(blah!!!)
8) blah blah blah blah....

am bemused!! i dwell further and, lo!! i find what am so searching for...
'she's been thinking whats on my mind.'

THE GOD-FEARING ATHEIST (POEM)

i was an atheist
until i saw her.
my heart trembled
i couldnt resist.
i knelt by the road.
hands folded, prayed.
had to thank HIM.
a wonderful creation.
a wonderful day.
though never have i
seen her ever again.
i remain,indebted to HIM.
for life i take as HIS blessings.
i remain an atheist.
HE'S above all such things.

RAINY BLUES (POEM)

pitter-patter
comes the rain.
huddled against
the tin house,i await;
drenched, desperate, disillusioned.
lonely at heart.
i believe still, the
clouds will roll by.
but some memories
they just refuse to die.
i cry a silent tear,
becomes one with the rain.
it gives me shivers.
come back into my life.
for more than anything else,
i need you for warmth.

LIFE MOVES ON... (POEM)

in the realms of the solitudes,
the moon as it shines a silvery grey,
i await, even as life moves on
perverse to my wishes.
this heart keeps crying away
in the primal fear of fickleness.
it needs love to savour life
and most seminal of all;
understanding.
choices have been many,
all these years, and
so has destiny played its part.
but now, regrets are none.
i've walked miles the trodden path,
and as life sings a raucous song,
i hope, against all hope,
in accordance with the
radiance of the camp-fire,
of a clearer vision and a pledge
to move on impervious to fate,
so on with vimful zest.

GUTSY BUSINESS (POEM)

cutscular arms force over thin neck
and press-press until
red in face, maroon behind.
then there's pulling of ears, nose and ....
also spoiling of neat hair,
crumpling of in-shirts,
snatching of cheap yet
full-of-love girlfriend gifts.
then hard boots over air-floaters.
yelps,shrieks,abuses.

wokay! wokay!!
i forget about gandhian values.
a kick between foolishly parted legs.
and silence and a thud.
show's over.
life will be fine now.

ANOPHELES SQUARED (POEM)

swat!
and missed again.
moony, half-eyed,
i sit up.
there has to be a way.
but these fella's too
are buzzing with ideas.
one zooms over,
a few twirls and
settles on my big toe.
it needles in,
sipping in the nectar.
hehe! here's ma chance.
i take out my maths text.
[400 pages, not even
God may decipher]
with full force
down it comes,wham!

three days have past.
dunno about the little one,
but my big one is sore.
i swear by Aryabhatta,
[father of mathematics]
noone ever inflicted more harm
on man than thy man himself.

IN THE DARK (POEM)

The flame flickers on
and dances, filling
the room with life.
Nothing that keeps
me intrested.
I make shadowy
figurines on the walls.
Birds, a dog, an ox.
Still my mind
keeps propping up
images of you.
Come back into my life.
Its lonely down here.
Though filled with light
it may seem,without you
am always in darkness.

DOWNSIDE UP!! ;-) (POEM)

The moustache record long
falls over my eyes,
and the red
it gushes down
filling in the hollows.
And i sight feet!!
with fancy footwear
and without...
Distinguished
by toenail dirt.
Its a good thing though
i cant see the faces...
It could be worse.
But i await in patience
for the real reason
i turned the world around
and lo!!
My breath control
it looses its hold.
mini-skirted she passes by.

living dead (poem)

Slash with a knife.
Thy wounds wnt heal.
Burn it red
and stab thy heart.
Feel no pain.
Feel no sorow.
Give in to pleasure.
Beat it to hell.
Weep with joy.
Being dead whilst alive.

EDGE OF REASON (poem)

She eyes
the intricate tracery:
slender transparent inner-wrist.
Mulls over a second
but doesnt wanna give
any headway to thought.
Bosom heaving.
Due not to fear.
Due more to thrill.
an addiction
so intense,
couldnt care less.
The sharp silvery steel
gleams with pride.
places, marks, swipes.
Painlessly, like
warm knife on butter.
She closes her eyes,
visualises instead.
The free flow.
electrified she feels.
The shame escapes
and drowns in ecstasy.

nic

THINKING OF YOU(POEM)

Am marooned on an island.
No food.
No drink.
No shelter.
No boat.
No friends.
No hope.
I will die if
I don’t think of something
I start thinking of you.

Stupid cupid

Stupid cupid

Just two days to valentine’s and I get up in the morning and brush my teeth and look in the mirror and fall in love with myself.

(Such good looks
Awesome style
Absolute master jokes
Am the best
Even if I say so myself)

I leave for college and I sense a feeling of euphoria…so much as such I wana cry out loud till the feeling mellows down. I walk down the road and greet everyone with a smile…even old mrs.subbalaxmi who looks me down with disgust. But do I care…hardly matters. As for valentine’s it makes me no shit of a difference. At the most I will buy me something and gift wrap it and maybe even scream with surprise when I open it…haha…that’s when I spot her coming from the opposite side…my thoughts switch off and my smile withers away. Somewhere deep down my heart starts beating real fast. I think of changing lanes but it happens so sudden I find myself in front of her. Surprisingly she waits to talk…
“Hey how’s you?? Long time!!!” says she.
And me just smiles staring at what once belonged to me. I can smell her even when she’s a good arm’s distance away and she does smell like heaven (miss sleeping in her arms). Her silken hair still flows like crazy in all directions in the wind and I so wana run my hands through it. Good god up there!!! I look into her eyes and fall in love again though have strictly prohibited my heart from ever doing so. The memories of the aftermath of the breakup are still fresh in my mind and in some way I still sometimes feel overtly spiteful.
“Ahem”
“Well ya am doin fine…howz you been??”,I ask though I have not even the slightest intention of knowing how great her life has been after me.
“My life is just kinda moving on…not much happening…and i….”
I interrupt and ask knowing well enough that the answer would burn my heart, “What’s you doing for valentine’s??”
She looks me in the eye and smiles “I do miss you sometimes”, that’s all she says and she leaves.
I watch her go. She doesn’t turn back. That smile is gona haunt me for the rest of my life.
I will miss you all the time. And then I walk slowly back to college looking around…a world where love exists and still cannot!!

SEGREGATION OF LIFE (poem)

Inefficient senses

Worsening luck

Burgeoning workload

Distrustful time

Contented self

Foul-weather friends

Grain of hope

Life withn life

tickety boo!!!

am a bomb...waiting to explode...tickety boo!!!
the clock hands keep tickin on-ticktockticktock-on they go. a time will come soon when il just explode...the whole of me...gone vanished disappeared into thin air. oddly though i look forward to it. it could come as a luxury in times as these-ticktockticktock....
flipping channels i laze around on the couch(my fav activity).ave come home for the vacations and it feels good.nice. bapu comes and kicks me such i fall on the floor. "lazybum whole day u do couch garam!! eleven days its been since you came home.outside-voutside dont you wanna go. friends-vriends dont you wanna meet. go atleast take a walk in the outdoors and get yourself sume fresh air. todays navjavan youth!!god knows wat will happn to them!!"
his rantings are justified. ave done nothin but just idiolised the idiot box ever since ave come home. i thnk of going out but then where should i go.i dont even know anybody.my friends as far as i know are limited to quite a few and sume out of them dont even exist. such is my existence i live i sumtimes find it hard to realise i exist myself.
i move out.me thinks will wander aimlessly will try get a feel of the city. i bump into a very old friend of mine who seems very eager to see me as if she s been waitin for this very day. i as always maintain a passive face much to her chargin... howdydowdy we talk about good old bad times and realise the little time we have got for each other. we are chatting up,its been some time, but i hardly realise i keep gettin lost in her beautiful eyes when suddenly she gets serious and asks" would you mind if i tell ya sumthing". well.. ahan!!... my heart misses a beat!!!what if she wana proposes me(though i know that is unlikely even if am the last man on earth but theres still hope inside...u never know...pandora does!!) i signal her to go on.

"know wat dude",she says," u seem quite frustrated with life.not as u used to be earlier" , and then she added something that soothed d burning inside my heart something i hadnt heard since a long long time...someting my solitude had denied me..." dont wory pal i will always be there with you"

am i suprised...am i??? am frustrated for the fact that she thinks am frustrated. am tired dull losing ma creative side to frustration. frustrated cuz i cant seem to get outta it. there are people who wont listen and then there are no people at all. i write a blog no one is gonna read...i got a profile at orkut noone scraps...i move out in my bestest attire noone notices...notevn the stray dogs...goddamnit!!those friendly(yes friendly) dogs bark at you...sniff you leap at you... but they do acknowledge your presence atleast and now when i move they just scurry past giving you a sense of being nonexistent...tell me bro...Wat's the point in living if no one cares...forget about caring no one even knows you EXIST. that's the point. the frustration has built up due to the factor that am struggling with my loneliness and one day it will rise so much that i will just explode.ticktockticktock
i would have never been able to live or die in peace but for such inquisition in my life as it happened today and the frustration will only cease as i begin to believe in myself(with the help of such friends) and life will turn out truly normal. normal in ur sense na-na in my sense. i wont crib i wont cry...ill work out and move on and bump into more old pals and talk about good old bad times and rock their lives as well as mine cuz it is not over until you are over(marald said that...wnt take it from him). sometimes we dont need help advice lecturing...wat we need is wat we deserve and that is a little bit of appreciation and assurance from time to time

and just for that little bit of inquisition from that dear old friend of mine has opened my aankhen and set me to my path of rejuvenation and joy fills my heart. with friends like these i sure would rock the world...i only wonder how god will save the world when i take over...only a matter of time-ticktockticktock....